#took so long cause i got burnout and had no idea what i wanted them to look like

[rotshi]

"Role Swap"

I'm a tiny bit behind ghghg

[thepersonperson]

Why the hell is JJK 270 called Dream's End?

JJK 270 being titled Dream’s End is so fudging ominous. That’s some Umineko type beat. I’m not sure if I should even judge this chapter as presented because of this. In fact, I'm holding off on posting the other analysis I had for today since I no longer am certain of what JJK 268–270 are.

There's two lines of thought I have:

1) Gege suffering from burnout and bad working conditions plus rushing has caused the writing to decline.

2) Gege still has a hidden ace saved for the final chapter and the weird writing is deliberate.

I'm going to humor Option 2, but only because the title of this chapter is called Dream's End.

(The most 'hear me out' discussion under the cut. Using TCB scans and leaks. Click images for captions/citations.)

[Small Update: Follow-up Discussion on why everyone feels OOC.]

Preface

"Without love it cannot be seen."

This is a phrase and philosophy I have borrowed from Umineko since I've started these JJK yapfests. It essentially boils down to 'discard your negative biases and try to examine things in good faith.'

JJK 268 & 269 have fudging tested that for me. I've been giving Gege and the characters a pretty hard time with the caveat of knowing how exploitative the manga industry is. I initially rejected the idea that these chapters were to be taken at anything other than face-value because of this. In fact, I cited the JJK 268 chapter title of Finale as a reason I've accepted things as is.

And with that same logic, I'm now doing the opposite... So hear me out! I've got some pretty good reasons to be doing this.

What's wrong with JJK 268–270?

There's a lot of things in these chapters that are fundamentally inconsistent with what's been established in throughout the manga. If we use Option 1 to explain these contradictions, these are last second retcons because Gege forgor.

Option 2? We're about to have the rug pulled the hell out from under us because the last 3 chapters have been delusions.

What first tipped me off to something possibly being wrong on purpose was the fate of the incarnated culling game players in JJK 270. Not too long ago it was established that the souls of non-sorcerers in vessels were unsavable.

The souls are suppressed in a way that distorts them permanently or their consciousness is outright destroyed. They were gambling on Megumi's survival due to him being a sorcerer and Sukuna's incarnation method being unique. 99% of them will die and those who survive will likely be vegetables, so why is there a sudden gamble on their survival in JJK 270?

It's such a neat and fine bow to tie this mess up that goes directly against existing lore. It's so ideal that it has me suspicious.

Brain damage from sorcery on non-sorcerers has been established as extremely taxing. I think about Gojo's Unlimited Void (UV) the most when it comes to this. Non-sorcerers were hit by it for 0.2 seconds and required medical intervention for 2 months to fully heal from it. Sukuna, the absolute strongest, tanked some of it and it affected him for the rest of the battle. ...And then we have Megumi who was under it for about 6 minutes and seems to have very little problems from it.

This is bizarre. Someone who underwent the month long bath and UV without Reverse Curse Technique (RCT) should be struggling to even stand after waking up. Sukuna had RCT and the Gojo brain damage still took him out. This screams of inconsistent writing unless...this is a deliberate hint that something is amiss.

I want to draw attention to the panel Megumi's UV damage is addressed. Just about everyone has been seemingly waiting around in the same spot for him to wake up. It's a bit weird given that sorcerers don't usually do that. They usually get a move on asap. And after the destruction of Shinjuku and the Culling Game Players still running about, why would they take a breather to discuss their plans that worked?

But that's not what started bothering me about that panel after reading JJK 270. It's that characters who aren't in the room, start appearing without warning. Look who is behind Maki and to the left. It's Kusakabe. And to her and Yuta's right? Inumaki. So why is it that Hakari, Kiara, and Ino are in Kusakabe's place while Todo spawns where Inumaki is? (And Yuta is facing the wrong direction too.)

That's pretty fudging weird right? You can chalk it up to Gege forgor but it doesn't stop there. Higuruma enters the discussion in a way that causes Yuji to pause.

Why is Yuji surprised to see him? (And where the fudge did he come from?) Shouldn't he know of his survival by now? And why is he in a cast? Higuruma had learned RCT and fully restored his arms before leaving the battlefield. If he's conscious, then he should be able to heal himself fully no problems.

And that got me thinking... Why is Yuji still missing his fingers?

It was established that he kept his fingers unhealed to help with Yuta's plan. This means that if he won, he has no need to keep them missing. Yuji has fully regenerated missing chunks of his face, including his eye, and stomach. He has RCT just like Higuruma. But it doesn't end there either. Yuji's number of fingers on his left hand keeps changing.

4 fingers, 3 fingers, dubious amount of fingers, 5 fingers. Once again, you can chalk it up to Gege forgor, but JJK 270 came out and the same problem started happening with Megumi's scars.

The same mistake is made within the same set of panels and very big page. That's weird.

ONCE AGAIN, you can chalk it up to Gege forgor, but when these errors occur, like with Yuta mistakenly having his ring on in JJK 251, Gege will note the mistake outright. Gege has made no such comments for Yuji's fingers or the scars. This many “errors” in row when Gege has otherwise been careful with these features could indicate it really is on purpose. (Kind of like Sukuna's everchanging mask. The thing was just moving around and pulsing. That was deliberate not inconsistency.)

What does this mean?

I think it means what we are seeing isn't reality. After all, the most common way to tell if you're dreaming is being unable to count the number of fingers on your hands. Another way to tell is the distortion of faces.

Readers have noticed that something is wrong. The weird timeskips, the lack of lasting consequences, design inconsistencies, characters behaving like similes of themselves, death and pain being glossed over like it's nothing. It all feels so off. But it's still close enough to the original to be somewhat believable. ...Is that not what it's like to dream and not know you are dreaming?

Why is it that the chapter titled Dream's End ends with the hunt for a curse user whose ability is to distort the perception of reality?

Dreams and Delusions in JJK

We already know Gege weaves Buddhist symbolism and ideas heavily into JJK. I'm not an expert in Buddhism at all, so there's a lot of it that goes over my head. I decided to look into if dreams are significant in Buddhism and boy howdy are they. Quoted directly from the source:

"Dreams can be a message from a Bodhisattva, an ancestor, or a god, The intent of the dream may be to test the dreamer’s resolve: is he non-retreating (avaivartika) from Bodhi (enlightenment) even when sleeping? The purpose of the dream visit may be to communicate information vital to the dreamer’s well-being. The Buddha himself had five dreams of catastrophes, falling stars and worlds in collision just before his enlightenment. The dreams were sent to him not by a benevolent Dharma-protector, but by an malevolent sorcerer, intent on disrupting the Buddha’s samadhi and preventing his awakening."

In summary, (correct me if I'm wrong) dreams appear to be seen as another state of being just as valuable and impermanent as reality.

There's also this other bit I'll quote directly.

"The most common use of dreams in the literature of the Mahayana, or “Northern School” of Buddhism in China, Tibet, Japan, Korea, and Vietnam is to see dreams as a simile for sunyata, (emptiness) the hollow core at the heart of all component dharmas (things). For example, in the well-known Vajra (Diamond) Sutra, the Buddha taught that:

“All conditioned dharmas, are like a dream, like an illusion, like a bubble, like a shadow, like a dewdrop, like a lightening flash; you should contemplate them thus.”"

That's starting to sound like what Yuji's Domain does, right? He projects memories that did happen and mixes them with delusions and dreams. Sukuna and Megumi both experience this in full.

It's incredibly suspicious that it hasn't been named yet. Yuji is the son of Kenjaku who has a domain based on the Womb Sutra/Realm...which is paired with the aforementioned Diamond Realm to encompass the entire Dharma. It's very likely this is what Yuji's domain is—a realm of dreams and reality combined as one.

Unreality Runs in the Family

When Sasaki Setsuko "wakes up" as the Culling Games begin, Kenjaku explains her situation with this:

What follows is a sequence that cannot be described as a dream. It seems to be a blend of reality and hallucinations. But that's not anything strange, Sukuna does it too with Kashimo in reverse.

As you can see, both the positions of the characters and even the backgrounds change suddenly from reality to ??? and from sequence to sequence. It's all incredibly dream like.

Another strange thing about this space is Kenjaku creating it as a part of an escape route Binding Vow. You know, the kind Sukuna uses for Malevolent Shrine.

What I want to draw attention to here is this reality-dream state somewhat requires consent (in the loosest possible definition) to appear. The person entering this state has to desire it themself. We see this with Jogo and Gojo who are mutually interested in having a relationship of somekind with Sukuna. (Same with Kashimo.)

(It's also very hard to tell if they are dead or still in the process of dying during this.)

This is where the delusions Yuji projects differ. They are forced onto others when he is near death or severely injured, seemingly as a defense mechanism.

And would you look at that...the syntax is identical for Todo and Choso's Brother Yuji Delusions. "At that moment, a memory was born inside X's brain...of a past event that never happened." It's kind of like how Yuji replaces Gojo in Megumi's memory to reach him. It's also very strange that Sukuna, Choso, and Jogo go "What is this?" to this in-between space.

My point here is that Yuji having access to this space has been hinted at since the start of this manga and that it was inherited it by blood. (Totally Not Kenjaku showing up with Takaba Mr. Reality Warping CT in JJK 270 supports my case too I think.)

What does this mean for JJK 268–270?

The battle ended in JJK 268. Of that I'm certain. What I no longer know is if anyone survived.

A common complaint about Sukuna's death is his lack of an afterlife scene. Everything ended so abruptly. And then Megumi wakes up.

It's so jarring in out of place. ...But that's how all scenes involving the space between dreams and reality begin. Sasaki Setsuko "wakes up" once and then again. Most of us have experienced those kind of dreams right? (They made a whole movie about it called Inception which is based on the movie Paprika.)

There's one other thing I need to draw attention to. Yuji's Domain shattered after Sukuna cast Domain Expansion (DE).

When a sorcerer withdraws their domain voluntarily, it does not shatter. Gojo has demonstrated this for us in quite clearly.

When a domain is broken by force, it will shatter and shards will scatter. When a domain is withdrawn, no shards are left behind. Yuta uses these facts as a part of his plan. In JJK 252, it's revealed by Kusakabe that Yuta shatters his own domain on purpose to trick Sukuna into thinking he won.

What this means is that some kind of violent action needs to be taken to shatter a domain. Yuji's domain is massive and his attacks only targeted Sukuna. What could've shattered his domain all at once? He's not had the time to practice shattering parts of it like Yuta.

Gojo has shown us what a uniform domain shattering looks like—it happens when Malevolent Shrine activates. (Please note that the sfx used for Sukuna breaking Gojo's domain is カシャア. It's the same one used for Yuji's domain shattering.)

I'm proposing that we've been in unreality since the end of JJK 266. Sukuna and Yuji are both severely injured, on the verge of death, and have a connection with each other. These are all conditions that trigger the space between dreams and reality.

And I must remind you that Yuji first triggers this event with Todo after a severe head injury. Right before Sukuna casts his domain, they do this to each other.

Everything that has come after has been perfect for Yuji to a unbelievable degree. Everyone whose death was uncertain is alive and the living are getting exactly what they wanted. The effort behind it and the logistics are all missing. And yes a rushed ending can explain that, but that too can be part of the ruse.

Another massive complaint is that mourning has not occurred. Not for Gojo or Choso despite how much Yuji cherished them. It's like they're being willfully forgotten by the cast despite being crucial to their success in Shinjuku. It feels out of character, especially since Yuji is of the few that showed concern for them no matter what.

But if this is a delusion on the brink of death designed to bring happiness, why would Yuji think of the dead? He's always been so avoidant with it. When his grandpa is dying and trying to talk about his parents, Yuji tells him to shut up. When Nanami dies, he thinks of him then and then never again directly leading up to his talk with Sukuna. When Megumi tries to discuss Nobara's fate, Yuji ends the conversation as quickly as possible.

The only people in this world are the ones who may or may not be dead. He saw Yuta in Gojo's corpse. The only way that can happen is if Gojo is dead. Yuji has no choice but to believe it. Choso burned away before his eyes. Yuji has no choice but to believe it. He went through some of Megumi's memories and saw Tsumiki's corpse. Yuji has no choice but to believe it.

And since Tsumiki is the only person Yuji wasn't close with, she's the only death that has been outright acknowledged. But not for too long! That would make Megumi sad.

Another complaint is that Sukuna really didn't kill anyone in the final battle outside of those two and Kashimo. The dudebros call it Disney Kaisen. But the fairytale-like idea that everyone is ok? Todo was the one who put that idea in Yuji's head.

And Yuji has always been one to fall to story-like logic when things look like they're finally wrapping up.

"And then everything will be just fine." (Yuji before the worst possible outcome for both him and Megumi happens.)

This is similar to the line Gakuganji uses in JJK 270. "Everything is fine." This line is the whole reason I sat down and wrote this all out without stopping. I know Gakuganji. He'd never say that. This man has been in a state of worry over Jujutsu Society since his first appearance. He doesn't even fully believe in Gojo's cause as someone who values tradition. He's a stickler for details and will do everything in his power to ensure stability. For him to toss Sukuna and Tengen's remains in a shrine and call it a day? Who is that? He's changed but not that much.

And so I compared the raws.

It is very much the same 大丈夫 (Daijoubu). These are Yuji's words.

What I'm proposing is that JJK 267–270 are Yuji's delusions of the happiest possible ending. It's a picture perfect little end where all the trauma and death has no effect on the living and people move on like nothing happened. I don't know if this means he's dead or if Megumi's dead or if they're all dead. But what I'm seeing now? I don't think it's real.

Reexamining JJK 269

CW: Brief discussion of suicide.

Even if this turns out to be a part of the smokescreen, I'm always going to hate JJK 269. But I do want to give it some grace under the assumption this chapter titled Examination (which can also be translated as Reflection) is about Yuji's guilt. Both him and Megumi's tbh. I think their feelings for each other and their situations are driving these delusions. That's one thing about this space that's real—the feelings behind them.

Yuji has a lot of guilt surrounding his existence after ingesting Sukuna, Megumi does too. Straight up Yuji has been seeking death over it since JJK 9.

He struggles to forgive himself for being the centerpiece to violence he had little to no control over. The only thing that upsets him more than that is knowing that his death will break Megumi's heart. He doesn't want Megumi to feel any guilt for it whatsoever.

The kicker is, Megumi already knows Yuji is planning to die. And he wants to do everything to rid him of that guilt. Up until they connect inside of Yuji's domain, they were unaware they shared the same goal for each other.

And that's what JJK 269 is. It's a very cold and harsh breakdown that allows them to forgive themselves. Blame is passed around and ultimately pinned on a combination of Gojo and Kenjaku. (It's really weird Sukuna isn't blamed either, but that's not the point of this for now.)

Kusakabe's comment is especially harsh. Telling Yuji point blank he should've died and that both sides on the issue were valid? He may have believed that to an extent, but he made a point of not telling it to his face. Why have a whole chapter discussing how kind he is only to turn around and do this?

If this is all a delusion, a manifestation of Yuji's guilt and trying to absolve himself of it for Megumi's sake, that makes sense. This version of Kusakabe is what Yuji feels guilt over the most—Everyone's lives being better if he died.

In the same breath Kusakabe tells them to solely blame the adults. It's very reminiscent of Nanami telling Yuji that being a child is not a sin.

It should also be noted that every single time Megumi tries to apologize for being possessed, he's stopped. Maki tears into Yuta without checking in on him, but she asks if Megumi is ok and tells him to not blame himself. JJK 270 is full of this too. He tries to apologize to Tsumiki at her grave and Shoko tells him not to sweat it. He tries to apologize to Hana and she hits on him instead.

This delusion is crafted out of love. It allows Megumi to live in a world where he can move on from the guilt surrounding his possession and saving Yuji. It's all Yuji has ever wanted for him. And now that Yuji knows Megumi wants him to forgive himself, he has no choice but to do that too.

It's a perfect ending for Megumi that's too good to be true.

It must be a dream...

There's another thing I can't reconcile about JJK 269 unless it's a delusion—Todo's explanation for Yuta's plan. It's another one of those glaring contradictions.

In JJK 269 Todo claims Boogie Woogie can't target Maki. But in JJK 259? Todo makes plans with Mei Mei knowing that it works with her.

Either Todo lied...or Yuji never fully knew the plan and that Boogie Woogie could target Maki. Otherwise she would be dead. Her surviving Sukuna's flames would be impossible.

I've already talked about how Yuji believing those who may or may not be dead are alive is Todo's doing. He's always been the one to save Yuji from his breakdowns. But let's talk about his speech in Shibuya.

"Looking for meaning or logic in death...can at times defile the memories of those we've lost!"

Everyone who has read these past 3 chapters has really felt the defiling of Gojo's memory. And it was all in service to a strange logic that helped them cope with all this death. Acknowledging how massive Gojo's sacrifice was would riddle both Yuji and Megumi with immense guilt, so it's best to ignore it for Megumi's sake. (And perhaps that's why Yuji replaces Gojo in that memory.)

"What have you been entrusted with? You don't need to answer right now. However... Until you find your answer, never stop moving."

In a way, JJK 269 is an answer to the question Todo proposed. Yuji was entrusted with saving Megumi. Saving Megumi requires Megumi and Yuji forgiving themselves. And Yuji won't stop moving until it's done. All these time jumps and rushed developments are Yuji moving Megumi forward. He's getting that happy ending even if it's to the detriment of everything else.

What about Sukuna?

When Sukuna respects his opponents and they have a connection, he gives others these dreams before they pass. He's been very impressed by Megumi since JJK 9. It's not out of the ballpark for him to allow Megumi to die satisfied in the way Gojo did. Yuji also seems to understand that Sukuna was manipulated by others just as much as he was. I think that's why Sukuna is spared of the blame for the most part.

I don't think Sukuna won. He's probably dead. But he did warn Yuji not to underestimate him. I think the worst absolute last fudge you to Yuji he could give is this happy ending dream before ripping it all away as he dies.

In Conclusion...

I'm not sure that we're going to get that happy ending. Reggie Star warned us not too long ago.

"...it all comes down to a sorcerer's lies."

Reggie is a lot like Sukuna here, outwitted by modern sorcerers and dying to someone he loathes. Sukuna is good at tricking people. He let Gojo think he won before tearing it all away. Yuta did the exact same thing to him. Or did he?

"Can you do me a favor? After all, you've killed me. Let fate toy with you, become a clown, then die."

If the last 3 chapters are delusions...Megumi will be playing the part of a clown.

Gege said the manga would end with either 1/4 or 3/4 of Yuji, Megumi, Nobara, and Gojo surviving. This of course, could be changed throughout its development, but Gege said the manga is ending in its original vision. There's a real chance that it's only Yuji or Nobara surviving.

Remember, Gege is a troll first and foremost. Somehow Gojo was revived, but in the worst way possible (Yujo). Somehow Gojo did tell Megumi about Toji, but in the worst way possible (dead man's final letter).

Gege also said this about the final chapter:

"I am working hard to create a final chapter that will (hopefully) satisfy as many people as possible who have supported Jujutsu Kaisen. So everyone, please bear with me!"

I can't think of a better way to appease everyone than by making the last 3 chapters nothing more than dream.

[insertsomthinawesome]

I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!! Okay so honestly I have been very very inconsistent over the years with just disappearing for periods of time due to various things 😂 So it probably seemed pretty normal to most people.

But it felt different on my side, so I'm excited to be back in business. I took a month long hiatus! 31 days of not drawing digital art. Its not something I talk about on here? But I've been suffering from some serious long term Art Burnout for.... a really really long time. Long enough that I should've taken a break probably years ago. It finally got so bad that I could barely draw. I was scared to do it (cause it always looked "bad" in my eyes [i'll come back to that]) and doing it was exhausting and disheartening.

I talked it over with somebody and realized that the fear and anger and frustration I felt towards my own artwork was uh. Not Normal or Healthy. And I finally committed to taking a real break for once.

I still drew a little bit by hand? Traditional art has always felt like it has lower stakes for me (i don't often share it online, and sometimes I don't even share it with friends) so I did some of that when I felt like it. But Digital art was completely off the table.

I had put such an immense pressure on myself to make my digital art perfect, to make as much of it as quickly as possible to satisfy something. It wasn't fun anymore. I'm proud of what i've made over the years! But for a long time now the stuff I've been making was made while hating every second of making it. With some rare exceptions.

I hated my art! It was a combination of Perfectionism, taking in too many external expectations, and the burnout. If you hate doing something its kinda hard to love it even when you want too lol. It wasn't "Bad" in the sense that the quality was low and it was ugly! It was "Bad" in the sense that it was unhealthy for me to keep doing it at that point in time.

I'm glad to report though, that with my hiatus officially over as of Wednesday last week: I am once again. In Love. With doing art, and being an artist :)

I put off taking a break for years cause I was scared that taking a break would mean that I would never achieve all the things I wanted to do with art. I was scared it was a stupid and lazy thing to do that would mean I'd never achieve my dreams. And Also even though I kinda hated drawing, I also loved making art. Its a weird duality that I can't even really explain??? I hated it but I also loved it. I wanted it but I also wanted to run from it. It wasn't until I was more mature and had more clarity and insight (and unfortunately also until the problems got worse) that I was finally able to let go of those fears and just do it.

And I'm really really glad I did. It was everything I needed. And I hope to strike a better balance in the future with art. Taking more breaks when I need them, or just when other things have my attention like reading or Video games (Some star rail got played during this time xD)

From the outside things probably aren't going to be that different?? At this point I don't really have any sure plans to post anything I've been drawing since my Hiatus ended. I might or I might not xD I'm still a hobbyist artist taking things at her own pace, but I hope that it shows how much happier I am :)

Whumptober 2023 is being officially put to rest by this post btw! I was in major burnout when that event started, and I'm ready to just, move on from all the past expectations I'd shoved on my shoulders. If I feel like filling any of the prompts or going back to any of the ideas I'd come up for it I will! But I'm not going to worry about doing it unless the desire sets in. Thanks to everybody who's been so kind to me throughout my time on here as an artist! Ya'lls tags and screaming and kind words, the fanfic, the asks and the responses? Its been fantastic :) You guys have made me laugh, smile, and cry tears of joy. I hope from here that things only get better and sweeter! And if I have bad days again, that's okay too.

Here's to 2024 and whatever it may bring ya'll :D 🎉🎉✨✨🧡💜

[astarionposting]

How do you deal with creative burnout and possible disconnection from BG3 (if you have experienced it yet)?

For example, a while ago I found myself taking more pictures than actually playing the game, so I felt disconnected from the characters, and I wonder how the future will look like when the hype dies down. I mean, fandoms come and go, and I took a break of course, but I wonder where all the people will go that mainly focus on just BG3 at the moment. (Other games probably?)

I’ve experienced it for sure. I’m the type of person who tends to hyperfixate on only one or two things at a time, so when I start to develop other interests I start to want to focus more on those, and lose motivation to create for previous interests.

When I start to feel the burnout, I just take a bit of a break from it and focus on the other stuff I like. Then, after like a week or two, I’ll slowly start working on things again (for example, my mods, but this isn’t as bad cause it often relates to my other interests). So as another example, with BG3, I still of course LOVE Astarion, but I’ve created so many things for him already, that it feels repetitive if I try to keep making things constantly. Instead, I start to focus on other characters that I might like (like Durge and Orin hehe), and start coming up with new ideas for them! In turn, I am still having fun making new content for BG3 and starting to get new inspiration for Astarion content as well!

I also start actually playing the game again, like in my Durgetav playthrough, so I am having a lot of fun taking my time exploring the game all over again and coming up with scenes in my head and taking certain moments from the game and making headcanons (in my brain cause my writing is horrible LOL). I would try just actually playing through the game again, but as a new character, not a previous OC! Maybe take photos and videos of the moments you like and coming up with some fun little stories for yourself. Another thing I would do when I felt myself getting more into GOT and HOTD was to involve it with BG3, so that I had new ideas and something fun to look forward to making!

As most fandoms, I think there will always be people who love BG3 for a LONG time. I mean, look at fandoms like ASOIAF. GRRM hasn’t made a new book in over a decade, but I’m STILL seeing new videos on his books and Game of Thrones (which has also been over for many years). Another example is the Cyberpunk fandom! That game has been out a few years now, but you still see people playing it and making new characters, fanfics, art, etc. Even I want to start getting back into it as it was my first game where I even took screenshots (but before I knew what the heck Otis tools were lol). There will be those who move onto new things, but there will also be many of us who might stay a while even after the “excitement” dies down.

[polarisbibliotheque]

Updating by writing you guys this huge post. I mean it, it's really long xD

Heeey-ho!

I know, I know, I couldn't keep my Halloween promise T-T

Tha Halloween gods are now shouting at me "HOW COULD YOU?!"

Die Halloween gods, slowly coming after me - black and white edition

As it has happened before, I'll be posting both Dante and Vergil's part during november. I'm still working on them, so it might take a while. Do apologise.

They will be here, just with a little delay. I do think Halloween should last more than just a few days, so screw it, until Christmas, it's still legal to celebrate Halloween at the Bibliothéque \o/

Now, now, for those who don't like too much talking, I'll be explaining a little bit below why I'm taking so long. Feel free to skip it if you don't want to read it, no worries ;)

(There's a "conclusion and TL;DR for those who don't want to read this whole novel" in pink down there if you want to scroll down to that point!)

As *not* expected, my health took a crazy downturn. I know I say it all the time, but hell, I've no idea what gives this time. I literally stopped everything. I spend most of the day in pain and the rest of it sleeping. That's it.

I have an appointment with my doctor next week, but I'm not too much hopeful. Last exams showed I have two ulcers - which means scarring and bleeding in the stomach - that can be literally anything.

Not gonna lie, I'm pretty worried it can be something worse than I was expecting, although it never even appeared to exist before, but well... My anxiety isn't exactly logic.

Secondly, as you guys might not know, I'm graduated in Law, worked as a lawyer for 5+ years before having a burnout and all those health issues (yeah, yeah, don't do what I've done, all that sort of thing). But something you don't know, and honestly probably only my close family knows and cares about, is that my graduation thesis was "The Conflict of Israel x Palestine and International Law".

I researched it for 3 years before defending my thesis, got a college prize for it, the professor who mentored me made a huge speech on how I proved "we women can do it on academia and research" and that my work was really nice. I'm not saying all this 'cause I'm boasting, I'm just saying I know what I'm talking about (because you know, who has never met a man who thinks their opinion is better than yours "just because" while you have a fucking huge CV on research and graduated with honors on the same matter but, somehow, you can't beat the opinion he just pulls out of his ass?).

All of this to say, I'm devastated by what's going on. This is more than politics to me. This was my thing, you know? I had a dream, stupid ~promising young woman~ dream of doing something with my intelligence to actually help people. To actually stop massacres of happening. I wanted to work at the UN, I wanted to speak with world leaders, to show people how much I can research and how much basic human rights matter so horrid things cannot happen ever again.

When the war broke and the bombings started, I followed the news. And then the news weren't reliable anymore. I started digging to find the truth - and hells, the truth is ugly and bloody. I think that's when all those last shards of dreams came crashing down. I thought I could do something, you know? Actually do something. But in the end, my parents were broke, I had to work to help at home, I kept sending my CV to the UN but I was never enough, and I just wasted my energy and health under the boots of someone who had more power and influence than me to break me and kill my career before it even started.

I felt so horribly powerless. So horribly broken. It seems stupid, but everything that is going on out there fells personal to me, I have history with it. And it broke me. Completely. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't force myself to at least watch the horrible things going on and try to like/share so the algorithm can make it reach other people.

That's all I can do.

You know, I have a lot of Vergil in me. For the things I wrote, I think you all can see I have a thing of "I never want to feel pain again and I want power so no one can never hurt me again" - that's why I think I want to kick his ass every time I see this fucking man being so emotionally constipated and ruthless because of his trauma. It's a way to protect himself, burning every path so he never feels powerless again - and I guess we all HATE to see the parts of our own personalities we hate the most in someone elese

So yeah. I know things took a dark turn on this one, but I decided to be honest with you guys - since I'm owing so many updates: the 2 Halloween fics, Nemesis and Survivor's Blood. I'm not really well currently, and only the gods know how much effort I'm making to keep it together... At least a little bit.

Physically, I'm like V. And I'm not even trying to be funny, every time I see that lil' goth twink I want to yeet him away because, hell, I'm MAD I see myself in him (mind you, I used to be more on Dante's side of the fitness spectre xD) - and not only regarding fitness, but tiredness. Falling apart. It's so... Harrowing. I think that's the word that fits the feeling better.

Mentally, I'm Vergil. I don't want to, I want to beat him with a stick, I want to yell at his face and kick his stupid ass, but damn. I get it. That crippling fear of not wanting to feel powerless again, to have people abuse you? The feeling you're trapped in your own body? The "feelings bring only pain and suffering"? The terrifying dread of discovering you failed at everything even with all your talents and never wanting to admit it? Check all of those. I hate you Vergil, but I get you.

I'm trying, though. I use writing as a coping mechanism and as a way to resolve many things mentally, but the last months have felt SO overwhelming I went back to my paralysed state of not being able to do anything and running away from things that remind me of all THAT.

You guys might be alarmed, but there's no reason to be, though. This is a ~moment~ I'm going through and I just need to sort it all out. I'm starting to get some warning signs of numbness, vivid nightmares of past issues, the paralysis, avoidance - but I've been there before. I just haven't figured out a way to pull myself together and I don't even remember how I did that once, so it might take me some time.

I don't know why, I had some sort of weird ~boost~ while thinking in the shower today, and I might know how to give the small steps to start getting back on track and gaining that momentum I need. This weekend I had to convince my mom to celebrate her birthday 'cause she's my Samwise Gamgee carrying me up Mount Doom and she wasn't in a mood to do so - therefore on monday, I have some things in mind to discuss with her and, hopefully, things will slowly go back to their place.

Conclusion and TL;DR for those who don't want to read this whole novel hahaha

THAT BEING SAID: I'm really sorry I can't deliver everything I wanted to you, guys. I didn't expect life to get so much more fucked up than it already was, but here we are. I just have to get used to the new pace of things, but it might take a while. My output of writing will be slow, but hey, after I can get out of that paralysis phase, I'll probably be writing more and posting more - 'cause I really, really love this. With all my heart.

(also, if you people see me active on my drawing thing, posting a bunch of things, it's 'cause I'm finally getting to look at all the art I've done but never posted and actually updating it and putting my art blog to some use I haven't in a while - I won't be creating new stuff. All old stuff I procrastinated as HELL and those will be some of my small steps to get out of this rut)

Now, as a last thing, I intend to use a video from a guy I always watch on youtube as some sort of guiding light in these trying times hahahaha but seriously, he has some really sound advice and he is so down to earth. Maybe someone who's going through some fucked up times can use his advice as well and unfuck their life too :)

That's it. I felt like I needed some raw honesty today. Like I said, small steps. This is part of it hahahaha

I hope you guys understand. There's nothing I love more than writing, creating something for people - and all of this, everyone I met here and every single person that uses their time, which is the most precious thing we have, to read something I wrote gives me the greatest gift I can be given. You guys have no idea how much I appreciate you and how much I don't want to disappoint you.

So thank you. I will work slowly and I will need some time to get my shit together, but I'll always be here. I'll update everything I need and won't leave you hanging but you know... It's like Dracula Daily. It starts in April and finishes by the end of the year, taking time to put the letters together.

Aaaaand, if you read Lord of the Rings, the whole adventure takes a year. We are very much conditioned to be given content constantly to keep algorithms happy, but I do have a view that humans (and art for that matter) can't keep up with being content.

Zygmunt Bauman said we live in liquid times, and made the theory that everything is liquid nowadays (for people who like sociology and philosophy, I highly recommend his books, I love him with all my heart), so we're not really used to things that are a little more... Constant. Earthy, perhaps. Slow, stable, never leaving.

I try my best to be like that, not like a liquid, inconstant, fleeting presence. I want the things I do to be part of something that will stay, and I like being someone that stays - and doesn't just flow away because everything has to be fast and ever moving nowadays. The Bibliothéque is to be like that, I think, a place that no matter what, you can come back after ten months and you'll still find me here, drinking some tea and writing stuff. And I'll be happy to see you again, for as much as you can or would like to stay :)

kinda like Dante in his lil' shop :')

That's it. Thank you for reading me mumbling nonsensically in order to tell you I will keep updating my fanfiction, even if at a slow pace HAHAHAHAHAHA

Hope you guys have a fine weekend and a good next week! I'll be always lurking around, but the creation process will be a bit slow.

Will still be here to mumble randomly about DMC and scream random things in the void though :D

*me getting ready to tackle life for the next months, going like "still heeeeeeeeere bitch!!"*

***

And I'd like to add that I searched for "Obi Wan" on GIFs to find some sassy defying mood too add here and one of the first hits was this:

I'll leave you guys on this note 'cause I'm still wheezing about it, it's so friggin' on point I can't EVEN

[snaketailthecat]

Okay so I had an idea for an Undertale AU but I am experiencing extreme burnout so I just wanna know if anyone would be interested

I got concept sketches here and the basic idea will be under the cut

Their names are Sword!Sans and Shield!Frisk

What if there was a timeline similar to the Omega Timeline but is just for those that have died? And if so who would be the guardians?

What if there was a timeline similar to the Omega Timeline but is just for those that have died? And if so who would be the guardians?

Long story short the idea goes as follows

In the middle of the destruction of their timeline, Sans in a last ditch effort to stay alive, grabbed Frisk and attempted to teleport. Unfortunately, this only sent them in-between dimensions, which caused them to glitch out and change their form, memory, and abilities.

Frisk gained the ability to manipulate shadows and using minions made from it to look into other AUs and timelines, at the cost of only being able to see through the minions the shadows create.

Sans on the other hand gained a sword that could cut through the barriers of different AUs, effectively being able to hop through them. He’s a lot taller, faster, and stronger than he used to be, but lost most of his soul during his time within the in-between. He’s also technically blind only being able to see silhouettes of those with souls, those who don’t are extremely hard to see since they only have a very faint outline.

They eventually landed back in their now broken and destroyed timeline, only able to remember bits and pieces of what it used to be like. They eventually took on new name’s Sword and Shield (it was Shield’s idea they wanted matching names).

Shield after observing all the death caused in these AUs via their destruction or stories, thought about figuring out if souls were truly gone after being destroyed. So they jotted down a bunch of ideas and sent Sword out to test them via his ability to see souls, and after a lot of trial and error, Sword managed to figure out that a soul’s spirit lasts a little bit after death. It might only be a few seconds to a few hours depending on the strength of the soul killed, but they found something to work with.

Very few can even see spirits in the first place it’s a miracle Sword can even see them, even so Shield quickly got to work on building their old world to be able to keep these spirits from fading away. It took a lot of experimenting with the code of their world, but they managed to figure out how to do it!

Since then Sword has been sent out to collect the spirits of recently killed souls while Shield keeps track of the spirit’s information along with keeping the timeline in working order, while trying to keep it hidden from other Sanses like Ink and Error.

————————————————

That’s the basic idea anyway I honestly could go more in-depth since I have an entire hierarchy system in place, ways spirits can gain part of a soul to leave the timeline and help Sword, various ideas on relationships between different characters regarding Sword and Shield, and a lot of other things my brain thought up.

Now I haven’t been in this fandom in like a long time so some of the information here might not line up with I guess established ways the multiverse works?

I’m honestly not sure but I’d love to hear your thoughts on it if you made it this far since I would love to work on this AU more!

[chxshiyaa]

popping in and posting to the void for some... character introspection? a character study? whatever *taps mic* 🎙️📣 the #1 karisu supporter is reporting for duty, this won't be that long.

saw this gif on my feed and me, school dropout who once dreamed of being a psychiatrist, had some ™Thoughts. im a disorganized person, from my mind to my actions, so i will try to make this neat as i possibly can. i actually took my meds today, so my head is quieter.

at some point in the show, in the borderlands, i think either during their first game or the seven of hearts, im pretty sure karube harshly says something pertaining to arisu being lazy while he (karube) works his ass off. my amnesia may be misguiding me so just to be safe, if he didn't say this, arisu's family definitely has (or something along the lines of it).

so, we have this picture of arisu. he's a college drop out who refuses to get a job, stays home and games all day. clearly, he's very smart, so to his family he's just lazy, since he has this intelligent brain, yet he still dropped out of college and won't get a job.

(read: burnt out. arisu is the CEO of gifted kid burnouts but that's another discussion.)

now, let's look at karube. i have barely read the manga, but in the show, we know little about him or his past. his surface personality shows someone who is somewhat brash; doesn't keep his head on in stressful situations; indulges in quite a few unhealthy habits.

he's reckless, almost — having an affair, indulging it right under the nose of the ™Other Man, subsequently got fired and punched in the face. clearly has no qualms about violence. he's farther in life than arisu but he's still a mess (who has an affair at their job, other than secretaries and smooth CEOs?).

he doesn't appear to be extraordinarily smart, meaning he probably has no career ideas lined up. even if he did have something in mind aside from the bar, he wouldn't get any scholarships and can't afford to pay his way through college.

arisu's family sees him as a disappointment and almost a lost cause, but it appears karube sees him differently, and is jealous of him, in a way. slight inferiority complex vibes, just slightly, given it's clear he thinks arisu could accomplish great things if he weren't so burnt-out lazy. arisu is smart, we mentioned this. he has a family, not a particularly loving one, but they would pay for his schooling. if arisu went back to college, he could be anything he wanted to be, really.

and what does karube have?

in his last moments, he didn't think of a mother or a father, which leads me to assume he has no family. highschool grades aside, he isn't academically gifted. he has no family to help pay college fees. arisu's life isn't amazing, but he still has more opportunities than karube. (opportunities he pushes away due to clear burn out, depression, and some other things.)

the trio, they live like teenagers, despite being adults. their life consists of goofing around and doing nothing for themselves. karube probably feels like he himself can't do better this, and neither can chota, but he sees arisu differently. he isn't willing to change himself, since he has no motivation or even the capabilities to, but arisu does. arisu could thrive better without them, if he opened his eyes and locked in. that's what karube thinks.

thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

[thefanficmonster]

Friend of a Friend

Karl Jacobs x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: FLUFF, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: After a lot of back and forth with her best friend Bretman, Y/N is talked into joining an Among Us stream with him and members of, what she later learns is the Dream SMP - one member in particular stands out to her.

Requested by Anon. Hi lovely! Thank you so much for being the first person to request for Karl and one of the first people to request for any of the members in the Dream SMP. Sorry for the long wait on the fic but here it is and I hope you enjoy it! Love, Vy ❤

“Bitch, where have you been?“ 

To be fair, Y/N shouldn’t have expected anything else. Knowing Bretman for as long as she has, she should’ve known this would be his reaction to her calling him back after a double digit missed calls from him.

Dead week has been hitting her hard to the point her phone was left uncharged and dead somewhere in her dorm a couple of times. On other occasions it was left on either airplane mode or on silent so it’s safe to say Bretman isn’t the only person who’s been left in the dark about her and her wellbeing. However, he’s gonna give her the hardest time about it.

“Hi! Hey, sorry for vanishing for a week or two. Exams were kicking my ass left and right and now burnout is kicking in so...consider this an SOS to get me out of this looping hell.“

“If you want an SOS from me you better listen to what I tell you, got it? Imma be your mom for the next couple of days till you pull yourself together, copy?“ He huffs, his voice getting somewhat lost in the background noise of the loud traffic, suggesting he’s out and about at the moment.

Thinking she’s got nothing to lose if she asks for help during these difficult times, she agrees although somewhat reluctantly, “Ugh fine, but you better not throw me some crap out of left field, ok?”

“Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t think you were in any place to be giving orders.“ He barks back, causing her to roll her eyes.

Turns out she’s got a lot to lose after all - a ton of patience as he bosses her around.

“This is gonna be interesting...“, She mumbles to herself before flopping down on her bed, “Ok mom, I’m listening.“

*   *  *   *   *

"No! Absolutely no!" Y/N almost yells, but being in a park, she doesn't want to disturb anyone around her. Also would most definitely not want them to think she's crazy or something. "What does that have to do with me pulling myself together?"

So far, she's followed Bretman's very reasonable instructions: took a shower, brushed her hair, did her makeup and left the dorm to meet up with him as to get some fresh air.

And then this bombshell of nonsense onto her, leading her to believe the whole thing was a setup.

"You haven't had a human interaction outside of college since the semester started! It'll be good for you to meet new people and have some fun!" He argues, standing by his very valid point.

Y/N also stands by hers, "That's not it, Bret! I've never met these people before! I don't know what they're like! Who knows if they're gonna like me! What if I end up being annoying to them? Or-"

Luckily, Bretman doesn't allow her to continue, "You can never know, Y/N, not unless you meet them. Come on give them a chance, they are some of the nicest people I've met. "

“That doesn’t change anything! I’d still much rather just play video games alone!“ She complains, crossing her arms over her chest like a child.

“Bitch, we need to get you some friends and unfortunately I cannot duplicate myself so if you have any better ideas please, the floor is all fucking yours.“ Y/N rolls her eyes at Bretman’s sass but she’d be lying if she told herself he wasn’t right.

“I have friends! The fact that you don’t like them is entirely your fault!“ She barks back, eyes glinting with annoyance bordering into anger.

“If I, as your best friend, don’t like them, doesn’t that tell you anything?“ He gives her a curious look, one she can not look at without bursting into laughter which is why she quickly turns her head to stare ahead at the passerbys.

“Yeah, it tells me that you’re incredibly judgmental.“

“And you not wanting to meet my friends tells me you don’t trust me!“

Furrowing her brows she leans forward and turns to look at her friend who looks smug as ever.

“That’s messed up! That’s manipulation 101 you can’t do that to me!“ She retorts, eyebrows twisting into a semi faux frown of hurt.

He, however, is not at all bothered, “Sure I can when it’s for your own good.”

“You don’t know if it will be!“

“Neither do you!“

And that’s how he caught her on technicality and practically won the argument.

*  *  *  *  *

The way Bretman phrased it: “Just a harmless Among Us stream” - definitely didn’t sit right with Y/N. She’s still, even now as she sits down in front of her computer and puts on her headset, rather unsure, a half of her adamant on her deserting the scene although she could never do that. Not so much because of Bretman as for the other players. She doesn’t wanna leave them hanging by any means and leave a bad impression on them without even meeting them first. Considering it’ll do more harm than good to leave now that she’s already got herself a spot in the lobby - one her friend got for her and was hoping he’d forget - she decides that there’s probably gonna be little to no harm in staying.

Obviously, the anxious and shy half of her doesn’t agree with that claim but she’s already made up her mind when she joins the VC where there’s already breezing chatter.

“Y/N is that you?“ Bretman’s voice comes through.

“Yup, definitely is.“ She tries to mold her voice into a gleeful one to hide the nervousness although no one can probably notice other than her best friend.

Luckily, he doesn’t comment on it, “Heyy! Was kinda worried you’d chicken out at the last second.”

Damn, he knows me well, She thinks to herself, half bitterly, half fondly.

“Well I didn’t, as it’s pretty obvious.“ She shrugs her shoulders, taking a sip of her stress-reducing soda which doesn’t even manage to get the job done - as expected - but it’s still a good way to trick her mind into taking the metaphorical chill pill.

“And we’re very glad you didn’t. I’m Dream by the way.“ Says a male voice who she hears for the first time, on she didn’t even manage to catch up on when she interrupted the chatter with her entrance into the call.

“Nice to meet you, Dream! I’m Y/N as you probably heard. It’s a pleasure to be here today and I have Bretman to thank for granting me the opportunity.“ Y/N plays off confidence very well, as evidenced here, she might be shaking in her boots, which she kinda is, but she’d never show it, not unless she’s ‘confessing‘ it to someone she trusts.

Soon, one by one, each and every person present in the call introduces themselves to Y/N with her hardly managing to remember which voice belongs to who but she’s so far managed to add Dream, Sapnap, George and Wilbur to her mind’s memory directory which is by no means easy when you don’t have an appearance to relate it to.

“That’s about all of us, just one dick running....“ Dream starts saying before he’s cut off by the noise cuing that someone has joined the VC, followed by a very boyish voice:

“Hello everybody! Sorry I’m late. What’ve I missed?“’

“Thank you for gracing our stream today with your presence Mr. Jacobs. Please, no apologies needed, we’re sorry to have started too on time for you.“ The sarcasm in Georges tone almost makes Y/N laugh. She manages to suppress the majority of it but a giggle still escapes her. Her hand immediately flies to cover her mouth as a result, never mind how not effective of a gesture it is.

“Oh, we have a guest? Hello, I’m Karl.“ He too, like the rest before him, introduces himself, tone almost apologetic as he does so, “Sorry to have kept you waiting.“

“Not a problem at all, Karl. Nice to meet you, I’m Y/N, Bretman’s friend.“ The girl replies timidly, cheeks flushing a faint pink she’s glad no one can see.

The members of the VC explain to her the mechanics of playing Among Us with the use of proximity chat which Y/N’s quick to pick up on, allowing the game to finally start and put an end to the agonizing wait the viewers have been put through.

She let’s out a sigh of relief at the sight of her being declared as a crewmate, knowing being an impostor would cause her too much pressure - more than she’s already put herself under. So, satisfied, she goes on to take on her list of tasks and eliminate them one by one.

Meanwhile, Bretman, who’s an Impostor has taken it upon himself to always be a few steps behind Y/N to make sure she’s doing well and is alive. Hey, if she’s to get killed, he’ll at least make sure to be the one to kill her. Just what friends do for each other, you know.

But then he notices that Y/N is not alone in O2 and is instead in the company of Karl who’s holding something between a small talk and and interview with her since they apparently both got the same task.

“Oh, I’m an ECON major and I hate it, all in all.“ The girl admits with a giggle.

“Why’d you choose it then?“ He asks, audibly cringing before correcting the ‘mistake‘ that Y/N didn’t even notice, “What made you choose it?“

“My parents are both accountants and both of them hate their job which would make you think they’d tell me to stay away from it, but no! Quite the opposite actually.“ She huffs, showing the sheer frustration the topic provokes in her.

“Their excuse?“ Karl nudges her playfully, earning him a slight laugh from Y/N.

“I’ve been told it pays well so...“ This gets them both to laugh, “So they made it seem as though it’d all be worth it in the end. Spoiler alert: I doubt it.“

Although suspicious of the situation, he knows Karl isn’t an impostor so, believing his friend is in safe hands he goes about his way, looking for people he could slaughter.

“Bretman! Come ‘ere!“ He’s startled by the disembodied voice that soon gets its body to follow in frame - it’s Karl’s avatar insinuating he’s left Y/N on her own.

“What’s up?” Bretman asks, mostly uninterested and expecting for it to be a troll attempt.

“Well, um, just wanted to say your friend’s super nice and sweet and uh...how do you know each other?”

Bretman’s eyebrows rise at the question, “Well, if you must know, we met at a convention where she was an assistant part time. What’s it to you?“

Feeling like he needs to defend his intentions behind the question, Karl quickly replies, “Just wanna get to know her better, you know. Who knows, she might appear in more streams and...I gotta know who I’m playing alongside with. You get me, right?”

“Oh I get you, hun, I get you, but let me ask you this: would you want her to join in on other streams?“ Before the poor guy could even reply, Bretman gasps dramatically, “You like her don’t you?!“

“NO!“ Karl exclaims in distress, hoping Y/N has moved onto a different task. “It’s just that you’re my friend, which makes her, um....a friend of a friend! And I wanna make sure she’s....a reliable friend like you deserve.“

Oh boy, he thinks to himself, now I’ve got myself in a deep pile of shit

And he couldn’t be more right. His claims wouldn’t have flown with anyone and especially not Bretman who he can just see smirking right now.

“Awww,“ he gushes, “You so like her! But don’t be embarrassed! You know what they say: enemy of my enemy is a friend, friend of my friend can be my partner!“

“That’s not how the saying go-!“

“You guys talking about me?“ Y/N’s voice cuts Karl off, causing his heart to drop and face go pale as a canvas.

“Yeah, he likes you.“ Bretman casully drops the bomb and waddles away, leaving the two blushing messes alone in the hallway, knowing better than to cut either of their losses by killing one of them.

Meanwhile, the chat is going wild and while Y/N is spared the chaos, Karl is making a LOT of effort not to look down at it, mostly cause he already knows what he’ll see.

I mean, after all, every love story has to start somewhere, doesn’t it?

@mintbunbun

[thesunicarusfellfor]

Hey!! I love your writing. Can you do a Yandere! Ranboo, Tommy , and tubbo. where they are all in love with the reader and they kidnapped her to ‘keep her safe’ and the reader doesn’t know at first, then she slow realized they are obsessed with her. she like them back but she also want to live her life, so she tries to make agreement? You don’t have to if you don’t want to.

The Ranboo gif is just beautiful and I love it. Lemme see what I can do for ya! I wrote a bullet point Platonic fic if that's fine? I'm still worried about writing the minors in romantic relationships, even if it's the characters.

Sorry, it took so long... My burnout got really bad and I refused to even write basic stuff. But I'm back now! Well. Mostly.

Safe Behind Glass (Yandere!Plat!C!Bench Trio x GN!Reader)

You were a little groggier than normal when you awoke, but it was nothing to alarm you immediately.

Just simply brushing it off as you weren't feeling the best that day, you rolled over to fall back to sleep, but quickly noticed something wrong.

It didn't feel... Right?

The blankets... The mattress... The pillow... They weren't yours...

You peeled your eyes open and your expression went blank with fear.

The room was beautiful mind you.

But it wasn't yours either.

You were laying on a fluffy (f/c) canopy bed, surrounded by quartz walls that were dimly lit soul lanterns that prevented you from being completely swallowed by darkness.

Slowly dragging yourself off the bed, you heard a metal 'clunk' that hit the cold quartz flooring below you.

Turning your head to face downwards, you saw that a decently thick metal chain was cuffed to your ankle.

Somehow, your panic became worse as you immediately grabbed onto it and started to yank on the solid metal, but it refused to budge.

You had no idea how many minutes or hours you spent in that room. Reaching at the iron door desperately, yanking at the chain around your ankle that kept you from reaching the exit, searching the blue lanterns for anything...

But then, the white metallic door slowly swung open, revealing Ranboo, Tubbo and Tommy.

You weren't that close to them, save for a couple interactions here and there, but hey, they came to save you! That didn't matter in the slightest!

You almost cried upon seeing them and moved to walk over, but the chain stopped you from reaching them, and you noticed that they weren't moving to help you.

"You're awake!" Tubbo chirped softly, his tan goat ears wiggling with joy, "I'm glad the potion didn't stick for too long... You could've wound up starving if you stayed asleep."

Horror slowly began to set into your heart as Ranboo nodded and walked over to the dark oak table in the corner of the room and set down a basket of food.

"Ran...Boo...?" You whispered, watching as the monochrome male turned and curiously tilted his head in your direction, "Why... Am I here?"

Instead, Tommy stepped in front of you with a bright cheesy smile, the same one that resembled when he would find a new disc or start a new adventure, "For your safety, (N/n)!"

"Safety?" You choked out softly, Ranboo quickly guiding you to sit in the oak chair, "But... I'm one of the richest people on the server... I have god armour... Nothing could kill m-"

"Techno and Dream can." Tubbo interrupted sharply, halting you mid-sentence.

Right... That masked man... Or whatever he was... He was extremely dangerous, as well as Techno. They could likely pierce your netherite chest plate without even flinching at the number of thorns you had enchanted.

"We don't want anyone to bring you any harm... There's no problem with that, right, (Y/n)?" Ranboo smiled, flashing his sharpened teeth unthreateningly.

No... You wanted to say, but you wanted freedom! You wanted to expand your house to the size of a mansion! You wanted to bicker with Quackity about the stupidest of things! You wanted to get building advice from Phil!

Not be locked away because your safety was a tiny bit compromised!

"Tommy... Tubbo... Ranboo... Please, I'm not going to just stay locked away because I-"

"You'll see things our way soon... Eat up, get your rest." Tubbo smiled and gave you a hug, ignoring how you froze suddenly, before turning and skipping out of the room with the taller two following behind him.

Despite... How screwed up the three were with their methods of making you be their friend, it was working...

They were actually incredibly friendly and funny. It made life in capture bearable! Even though you were incredibly snappy and cruel to them in the beginning, they never held it against you.

Although... Despite their kindness and your quickly blooming friendship, you still had a craving to go outside. Even if what the three told you about everyone forgetting you existed was true.

"You look sad, (N/n)..." Tubbo murmured softly, watching you stare off into the blank quartz wall, "Are you okay?"

Tommy straightened up from his handmade scribble of a map, turning his head towards you in confusion. Ranboo stopped writing mid-word likely and looked in your direction as well.

They never liked it when you were upset.

You pursed your lips silently for a moment, clearly unsettling the males around you, "I just... Haven't been feeling too great... Both mentally and physically I mean... I need sunlight..."

"Yeah... I was reading about that earlier..." Ranboo hummed softly, adjusting his crown as he looked up at the ceiling, "But the issue is..."

"My safety... Yes, I know. What if, I wear my full netherite armour and keep a totem AND a Rapple on me? And also not leave your sides?" You bargained nervously.

That hadn't worked before. But then again, You weren't as close to them before...

The silence that fell upon the room was unsettling and caused your heart to race quickly. If they didn't like what you said, you would be alone for a few straight days... You didn't like it...

"Okay."

What.

That worked?

You just had to ask?!

You watched as Tubbo stood up and pulled the small ender chest from his pocket and set it on the ground, causing it to grow to normal size.

Standing aside, he made a gesture for you to open it and get your stuff.

Hesitantly, You walked over and kneeled down in front of the ender chest. Looking to Tubbo and the others for confirmation, you slowly opened it once they nodded.

Carefully, you began pulling out your armour but paused seeing the lack of golden apples and totems.

Right... Before you had gotten kidnapped by the group, you had used a totem when you fell into the L'Manhole where L'Manberg once was.

That what caused them to kidnap you...

"I-I used... My totem... And Fundy stole my Rapple..." You murmured hesitantly, feeling ready to cry.

Your only chance to escape and you couldn't grab it...

"Hey! Hey! Don't cry! Here!" Ranboo eagerly held the two golden items out towards you at the first sight of tears gathering under your eyes.

"What...?"

"(Y/n)! We want you to be happy! If being outside, even with god armour, rapples and totems, makes you happy, then damn well we're bringing you outside!" Tommy grinned.

After a few tears and lots of hugs, Tubbo helped you hop into your armour while Ranboo unlocked the chain cuff from around your ankle. Tommy had left, leaving the door open for once, going to scout the area for any dangerous mobs.

"Ready?" Ranboo smiled, linking one of his arms with yours, the one that you held the totem in to be more specific. Tubbo happily linked his arm with the other one.

You could only nod, your voice caught in your throat as they began to walk you out the door, Ranboo had to duck down a lot, before leading you to the quartz stairway.

Once up the stairs, Tubbo pressed in a code to the iron door and it slid open quickly, causing you to flinch and pinch your eyes shut at the bright painful light of the sun.

It took about twenty minutes of trying to adjust to the sunlight with the two males encouraging you before you were able to look around.

It was everything you had missed...

The sunlight...

The trees...

God, it was perfect...

Tommy eventually came out of the tree line and sat down beside you as you took it all in...

Months, you were down there. And sure, they gave you plenty of decorations to prevent you from experiencing sensory deprivation, nothing could ever compare to the beauty of the outside world.

A voice cut through the air -calling for someone or something named Fran?- and you almost didn't recognize it. But then the owner came out of the trees, almost a similar direction that Tommy came from earlier.

Sam? He looked so... Different now...

The creeper hybrid slowly lowered his gas mask to show his mouth dropped in shock, "(Y/n)...? You're alive...?"

Tommy, Tubbo and Ranboo were freaking out, trying to bring you back into the bunker, as they called it, but you weren't budging. You hadn't seen another being in ages... And while you did platonically love the three boys, you enjoyed hearing a new voice.

"You... Remember me? But... Tubbo you said-" You frowned at the goat hybrid as they stopped suddenly, realizing that you weren't moving.

"You three... Kept them locked away... For almost an entire year?" Sam's voice was getting a little bit scary now, but it wasn't directed at you, instead, at your best friends...

"Sam! It was to protect them! Please!" Ranboo tried, but he wasn't making it better.

"You made Quackity believe they ran away... Made Philza wake up every morning and walk through the SMP for any signs of them... Gave Puffy false information on where you have last seen them... lied to everyone... Only to be the reason that they were gone." Sam growled out, gripping his trident, "Then you proceeded to make them think we all forgot about them..."

"S-Sam... You've got this all wrong big man..." Tubbo tried next...

The warden wasn't listening as he pointed his trident at them, his communicator in his other hand next to his mouth, then he started speaking, causing his voice to come out of Ranboo's, Tubbo's and Tommy's pockets. He was speaking on the public channel.

"Tommy Innit, Tubbo Underscore, Ranboo Beloved... You are being placed in the prison, Pandora's Vault, for keeping (Y/n) (L/n) imprisoned in a bunker and lying about their whereabouts."

It felt like someone splashed you with cold water...

[wearywinchester]

Something Old and Something New — Part One

Mechanic!Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: When life takes a turn and you take an unexpected break from college in Stanford with your best friend Sam, you return home to your job at your family’s co-owned garage. You return home to work alongside the guy you thought you hated—Dean Winchester.

Word Count: 3.8k

Warnings: mild angst, mentions of death, mild swearing, fluff

A/N: Part one to my mechanic!Dean series!

Kansas.

It’s always been home to you no matter what, even if your time was split between here on summer break and the apartment you shared with Sam while the two of you went to school together. It was somewhere that never changed despite your ever changing life, and that was something you felt you needed amidst everything swirling through your mind as of the last six months. A place that was always there to welcome you back home with open arms no matter how few and far between your stays back there were. It was home and it was familiar.

You sighed as you looked out of the car window, gaze focused on just about everything you could see ever since you landed at the airport just barely half an hour earlier. You had to admit you were happy to be home for more than just a short period of time, you missed it here. But you wished it were under better circumstances.

Sam was still back at Stanford surely with his nose stuck in a book far too thick for you to think about without giving yourself a headache, and while the thought made you smile, you couldn’t help the nagging feeling knowing you should be there too. You were nearing the tail end of your time in law school, having had one year left before you’re expected to graduate and get your degree, though you were feeling a little less excited than you think you should be. You were home instead of over there after all.

“For itchin’ to be back home, you sure don’t look like it,” Benny chuckled from the driver’s seat, glancing at you as your lips pursed and your brow quirks up. He nudges you with his elbow to accompany his words, his amusement only increasing at your grumpy expression.

Benny.

He was your parents best friend for as long as you can remember, the closest thing you’ve got to family since your parents passed away a few years back. He was an uncle to you just as much as Bobby Singer was to Sam and Dean, and you knew you wouldn’t trade him for the world. Even when he’s giving you a hard time like in that very moment.

“I wasn’t exactly planning on taking this kind of a break either, Benny,” you huff, shifting in your seat. You turned your head at the quiet sound of his laugh, your gaze narrowing. “‘S not funny.”

“You’re right, it’s not. But that pout you got goin’ on is.”

When he looks at you once more it takes all but a few seconds for you to turn your head and look away, eyes rolling as you bite the inside of your cheek to stifle your smile. You shake your head, knowing it’s no use to even try.

But it’s true, you weren’t expecting to take this kind of a break this far into college because you weren’t expecting to fall out of love with your choice in a career. You made it this far—you were twenty-four and on the brink of becoming a lawyer along with your best friend Sam. But somewhere between here and there you found yourself mulling over the possibility that maybe you didn’t quite like this kind of job as much as you initially thought. You chalked it up to burnout at first, a reasonable assumption, but after returning back from summer break last year feeling less than refreshed and ready to start the new year of studies, you weren’t feeling that same spark.

You were beginning to feel like that profession wasn’t quite the right fit for you, and that was when you decided to come home.

“You’ll figure it out, you know. You always do, Y/n/n,” he says after a little while.

The smile his words pull from you is more bittersweet than anything, because you felt so far from figuring it out that it was near laughable. If you weren’t going to be a lawyer, and you were entertaining the thought more and more every minute, you didn’t have a single clue as to what you’d do with your life. Going into the family business wasn’t exactly an ideal option—you knew your way around a car but you don’t think you could spend day in and day out being a receptionist forever either. You enjoyed what you did at the garage when you work, but you wanted to do more.

You knew that, you just didn’t know what.

“Sam doesn’t even know why I’m taking a break, that’s how ‘figured out’ I have this whole thing. He thinks it’s just ‘cause I miss home,” you say with a sigh, slumping back in your seat.

“You don’t miss home?” He asks, humor in his tone as he raises a brow in faux offense.

You flash him a half annoyed glance, lips pursed only momentarily. “You know that’s not what I meant.”

Your frown has him smiling all the more as you sulk, your mood only fueling his good one because that’s just how Benny Lafitte is. Not that he likes seeing you in misery, he just sees that everything will work out in time, even if you don’t.

“C’mon, Y/n, lighten up a little, kid!” He says, as upbeat as he can be as he gives your shoulder a gentle squeeze. You roll your eyes and smile a little more. “There’s that smile.”

You shake your head as a laugh falls from your lips, huffing out another sigh as you look at him. “You’re ridiculous, you know that?”

“Is there any other way to be?”

You let out an amused huff then, feeling just a little bit lighter than you had when your plane first landed, though the tension in the very pit of your stomach still remained tightly coiled in its ever present knot.

There was a lot for you to think about in the time that you had here, your mind always wandering back to how you’d tell Sam. He loved it there and it was clear to see that, it was clear to see he fit the job and was leaps and bounds more enthusiastic about it than you. You thought about the extra studying you’d have to do if you decide to go back, and the studying you should probably keep doing if you want to be consistent and retain what you’ve learned. But the mere thought itself was something that made your head spin, something that made you even more content with the idea to leave that behind and stay here.

Surely Sam would understand it.

It wasn’t more than five minutes before Benny pulled his truck into the parking lot of the garage, the one you’ve been to a million times over by now. It was just the same as you left it last—a little rough around the edges but it was like a home away from home and you’d never think otherwise.

“Dean’s real excited to see you,” he jests, nudging your arm. His laughter is immediate at the sight of your expression, a scoff leaving your lips.

“I’ll bet he is,” you mumble, unbuckling your seatbelt.

“I thought you two grew out of that phase by now.”

“Who said it’s a phase, Benny?” You smile.

Dean Winchester.

The one who stepped on the backs of your shoes as a kid, the one who took the last slice of pie and still will without a beat of hesitation. The one you stole flannels from as teens, especially the ones he wore most often just to hear him shout and complain when they’d gone missing. It was a habit that led you to find the stash of candy bars he’d kept hidden in his closet, snagging them not so discreetly only for him to turn around and get you right back.

The two of you strived to get on each other’s nerves and it showed to just about anyone who had the pleasure of spending so much as five minutes with the two of you in the same room. You bickered even on the best of days, always a constant string of eye rolls and curses mumbled under the others breath in complaint. He was just as stubborn as you, and maybe, just maybe have you met your match.

You hopped out of the truck and closed the door, smoothing your hands over your jeans. You squinted as you looked upward, laughing softly. “You still haven’t fixed the sign?”

The ‘s’ that was supposed to be upright at the end of ‘repairs’ had been dangling crookedly since the last time you were here, looking comical and out of place with the rest of the sign but you can’t say you were surprised that it looked the very same.

“What do you mean still? It hasn’t even been that long,” he defended, scratching his head as he bit back his grin.

“Benny, I was here eight months ago and it looks exactly the same,” you say, brow raised as you squint at him with an amused smile.

When he does nothing but shrug his shoulders and hope you take his smile as a peace offering, you simply shake your head and laugh, pulling open the front door and walking inside.

The familiarity hit you once you walked in, the slightly crammed and cluttered place smelling a little bit like gasoline and a lot like the lunch everyone had on the collective lunch break. The radio in the corner was playing classic rock, the station never having changed from it unless you wanted to get on Dean’s nerves a little bit and switch it to some pop music he swore he absolutely dreaded. You knew better than to believe that when you caught him singing some lyrics under his breath as he worked on Baby after hours.

You leaned over the counter, the desk you called your very own and your pictures were still there, little knick knacks still in there place but everything was just a little bit grease smudged from one of the guys taking up reception.

“Look who’s back in town.”

You stilled, gaze shifting upwards in an eye roll as a huff exhales through your nose. You knew that voice anywhere, it was impossible not to. It was the voice of the very one who strived to get on your nerves with nearly every word he spoke because that’s just how he is.

Dean.

You spun on your heel and met his gaze, the irritated expression you’d held for the older Winchester faltering for just a moment at the very sight of him standing before you before it quickly returned with just a little less annoyance than it once had. The smirk he wore was enough to do just that, a bit of grease smeared across his cheek with some matching stains on his shirt.

“Deanie,” you greet, his expression fading in favor of a more hardened one at the nickname you knew he hated.

It didn’t last very long, the very corners up his mouth quirking upwards in a way that was all too telling that he was undoubtedly up to something. You knew him by now yet you were still too caught up with something about him to realize it before it was too late.

“Y’miss me, sweetheart?” He asks, tugging you in close for a hug. He gave you a squeeze just to hear you whine an fuss over the fact that he’d been sweaty from the heat of working all afternoon, that and the grease that most definitely was getting all over you.

“Dean,” you grumble, shoving at his shoulders halfheartedly, “get off!”

He let go with a chuckle, his head tipping back in a louder bout of laughter at the sight of the grease having smeared on your cheek and the frown on your lips. Fighting your smile was harder than you cared to admit in that moment, and you hated the way that maybe you missed the feel of his arms wrapped around you once he let go of his embrace. You shook your head partly in a bit of annoyance and partly to shake those thoughts away, arms having been crossed over your chest when he looked at you.

“You got a little somethin’ on your face.” He licks the pad of his thumb and reaches forward teasingly to wipe it off, your hand pushing his away.

“What’s the matter, law school too boring for you now?” He jests lightheartedly, slinging the rag in his hand up to rest on his shoulder.

You roll your eyes in response as you look away briefly. That’s when he saw a flicker of something different cross your expression for a mere moment, something he knows is more than just a little bit of annoyance. He knows you a bit better than you realize. It’s different but you quickly mask it with a smirk of your own and he thinks nothing more of it.

“Don’t you have a car to fix?”

“Don’t you have a textbook to read?”

You scrunch up your nose and he scrunches his, and you’re seconds from snagging the rag off his shoulder before the phone rings. You round the desk as he leans his elbows on the counter. He’s got a smirk on his lips as you shoo him away, more adamant the more the phone rings as he reaches over and snags a piece of candy from the jar you always kept. Your glare is one that he basks in as he pops the candy in his mouth.

“Winchester and Lafitte Automotive Repairs, this is Y/n speaking,” you say as you answer the phone, missing the way he smiles to himself and shakes his head as he walks away.

—

You sighed as the old clock on the wall behind your desk strikes seven o’clock, the last customer of the day having just picked up their car to take home. The stuffy heat had cooled off some now the the sun was beginning to dip lower in the sky now that evening rolled around, the fan set up in the corner helping just a little bit. Everything was cast in a golden orange hue as the sunlight streamed in, carrying with it the shadows of the pine trees standing tall on the other side of the road.

Your work day was cut a few hours shorter than it usually was since your arrival earlier that afternoon, but you were still just as tired, body fatigued from traveling. You were more than grateful that most of your stuff was already in your apartment here, the only things you’d brought having been your clothes and things you’d miss if you left it back at your place you shared with Sam.

“This place never runs quite as good without you, you know,” Benny says, nudging your shoulder as he passes behind you to snag his keys from the hook.

You smiled at his words, nodding softly as the sentiment brightened your mood a little bit more. “You ready to go?”

You stood from your chair and pushed it in as you stretched, grabbing your bag and slinging it over your shoulder. The look on Benny’s face when he’d turned around to face you was one that had you curious, cautious at that. It was apologetic and amused all in one, something that was far too indicative that what he was about to say was something you didn’t want to hear.

“Don’t be mad, but—”

You tilt your head and your expression falls neutral as your lips purse. “Why do I feel like I’m going to be mad?”

He started to pass you and round the corner, almost as if to dodge a bullet, said bullet being just about anything you could throw before he spoke up.

“I can’t take you back home, so…” he takes note of your souring mood and he holds a finger up as you walk out from behind the counter with crossed arms. “So, Dean’s gonna drive you home. I already put your bags in his car earlier.”

“You what?”

The two words were doubly shocked and equally displeased as you and the green eyed Winchester spoke them at the same time. When you turned you saw him wiping his hands on a rag before tossing it to the side, his brows furrowed.

“Do me a favor and try not to kill each other,” Benny smiled, one that was far too innocent for his own good because you knew for a fact he’d done it on purpose.

But he said nothing more as he tossed Dean his keys, kissing the top of your head before he slipped out the front door. You turned to look at Dean who’d looked at you, a mirrored look of pursed lips and furrowed brows shared between you two as silence engulfed the place for just a few moments.

“I call radio,” you say, his brow raising when you head towards the door.

“Like hell you do,” he calls after you.

You were lucky it was only a ten minute drive to get there, the tension thick as you got in the car. He turned the radio up with a sly smile and a laugh at your glare, dodging your swat to his shoulder.

“Do you listen to anything other than the same five songs, Dean?” You huff, elbow on the door as you rest your head on your hand.

“Not a chance, sweetheart,” he says, tapping the steering wheel as he pulls out of the gravel parking lot, engine revving as he sped down the road.

You look over at him to see the content smile sitting pretty on his lips, his arm resting on the edge of the open window as his hand settled at the very top of the door, the other rested loosely on the wheel. That very same Zepplin song was playing on the radio that you were convinced he listens to daily, in fact, you knew he did because that’s how Dean is.

“What?” He asks, amused curiosity in his tone.

“Nothing,” you say as you look away, biting the inside of your cheek.

“The hot shot lawyer’s got nothin’ to say, I’m shocked,” he says, faux surprise coating his tone.

“Will you cool it with the lawyer talk?” You huff, staving off the anger in your words with a soft shove to his shoulder.

To be fair, he didn’t know just why it was that you were back here earlier than you should be, he was just yanking your chain like he always did. But it became abundantly clear to him that there was more to it than just a little annoyance. That, paired with the look on your face earlier made it all the more clear for him to see that.

He looked over at you with furrowed brows, the dimples by the corners of his mouth appearing as he looked at you briefly before turning his attention back to the road. He may have cracked jokes and got on your nerves just as much as you did the same to him, but he knew you more than you realized, knew when something was more than just a joke to you. You’ve got this frown that you don’t even know you have, and you bite your lip. He even notices that you tap your foot too—he noticed the little things but he won’t admit it.

His jaw clenched as he turned the radio down a little, speeding up a bit more down the open road.

You’re quick to get out when you arrive at your apartment. It was a nice little place, a house rather, one split right down the middle. You’ve got the right side and Mrs. Allen’s got the left, a sweet older lady that’s lived there far longer than you. She makes a point to tell you you’re her favorite neighbor, and she makes a point to say something about you and Dean every time she sees him that makes your eyes roll.

You knew for a fact she’d say something in the morning.

You snagged one of your bags from the trunk and he grabbed the other, slinging it over his shoulder.

“You don’t have to carry my stuff, you know. I can do it myself,” you say, but you make no effort to grab it from him.

“I know you can.”

You sigh as you fish your keys from your pocket as you continue on up the walkway and up the steps of your porch, sticking them in the door. You drop your stuff down just inside the door with a sigh, grabbing the bag from his outstretched hand before you step inside and turn the front light on.

He stuffs his hands in his pockets, shifting on his feet as the words sit on the tip of his tongue. The very words he’s been thinking about since you’d gotten upset in the car even if you wouldn’t dare to admit it.

“Good night, Dean,” you say, offering a half smile as you go to close the door.

His palm presses to the door almost before you move to close it, and he steps forward a step or two. Your brows furrow as you lean against the doorframe, watching as his mouth opens and closes a few times, and he’s lost for words for a few moments. You don’t push and you don’t pry as you stand there curiously, arms having been crossed over your chest.

“I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings,” he starts, hesitant and a bit quieter as he scratches the back of his neck and clears his throat. “In the car, I mean.”

You stand there, and it takes a beating silence before he meets your gaze. The sincerity in his voice isn’t something you hear all too often in your direction, having always been jokes and witty sarcasm painted over his words but this, this was a little different.

“S’okay,” you say, pushing yourself off the doorframe.

He smiles then, a soft chuckle leaving his lips as he nods. “I’ll uh, I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

You nod at his words, the corner of your mouth tugging upwards. “Good night, Winchester.”

You let out the breath you’d been holding when you closed the door, back pressing to it as you tip your head back. The day you had left you more than tired, thoughts running wild with no end in sight. But the day wasn’t half bad, not really. The two of you had gotten on each other’s nerves every moment you get to do so, but maybe you missed him a little bit more than you thought. Maybe through the layers of wit and remarks there was a little part of you that missed the green eyed Winchester but you’d never admit it.

Unbeknownst to you, maybe he did too.

The rumble of his engine was clear as he pulled away and drove down the street, a huff leaving your lips as you rub your face as you lock the door behind you for the night.

—

Series taglist: @myloversgone @dean-is-sams-apple-pie

General taglist: @flamencodiva @stixnstripesworld @dean-is-sams-apple-pie @elegantbutedgy @humanmistakes @agalliasi @campingmonkey

[memento-morri-writes]

Happy STS!

Talk to me about your writing journey. What got you into writing, what was the first story you wrote (fanfiction and stories you wrote for school absolutely count), what are your long term writing goals, etc etc. *Only if you feel comfortable sharing of course <3**

Have a good week <333

Happy STS, Anna!!

I'm a chronic rambler and sometimes over-sharer, so this is a perfect question, ajdkajsd. I love telling stories, even about myself, so... yeah.

this wound up being SUPER long, so under the cut!!

So, the first thing I really remember writing was a 40-50 page handwritten nonfiction thing about the Titanic. I was in 3rd grade, so either 9 or 10, thereabouts. Also, I wrote it all from memory. That was my first real hyperfixation, too, at least that I can remember well.

After that, I know I did some writing on the family computer, but I have no idea what it was. I just remember typing away on there. Also, at some point I did some really stupid little writings on the forums for some online kids game, but again, don't really remember anything about them.

After that, I really started to get semi-serious about it in middle school. I did a weird things where from 7th-9th grade, I did a special program at the end of which I took both the AP Lit and Lang tests. (Usually people take one of them in 11th grade, and one in 12th, or just one of the two.) Because of that class, I had a lot of writing assignments, both creative and essay-based.

Some of the more memorable ones include a short story about a human being experimented on by aliens in 7th grade, a collaborative story with about 7 authors (most of the class from that program) about a mystery, another short story about aliens in 8th grade (this one in Spanish), a short story about King Arthur and his round table winding up in modern day NYC, and a third short story about aliens in 9th grade. (That one was by far the best, and I want to revamp it now! It's called "We Only Know Their Name For Certain", and I think I posted a little about it on here somewhere.)

Outside of class, I started several stories but never finished them. I know I started one very stereo typical ones about "teenager in a futuristic dystopia takes a test that determines her future", but I don't think I got past one page. I also started one about an immortal who accidentally causes the Black Plague.

I also had (and still have access to) a very, very long document titled "Fragments" where I kept all the little bits and pieces of things that I didn't know what to do with. One-off lines, or single paragraphs based off of writing prompts, etc. Also some very vague concepts, including "A short story told through messages on an answering machine". In there is the original draft of WOKTNFC, which I wrote in one sitting, as well as a whole bunch of nonsense.

In 9th grade, I took a play-writing class, and wrote the funniest piece of nonsensical shit I have ever written. It was a collaborative script between 4 or 5 of us, and we wound up with sentient cheese people, an alien named Schnebly, and a lot of relationship drama. On more than one occasion, we laughed so hard we got told to leave the room.

My ADHD and other things started kicking my ass after 9th grade, (gifted kid burnout, lmao), and I stopped writing for a while. I didn't really do any writing after that, at least not until the end of 11th grade.

Then, I took a creative writing class. We had to write a bunch of random stuff, including some poetry. My "what am I?" poem that you can find on my blog was originally from that class, and I went back to a few concepts from my Fragments document. It was after that that I remembered how much I liked writing.

Queue less than a year later, I get the idea for Fallon. I decide to make a writeblr. Here I am, ajkdjasd.

As for future aspirations, I really don't know. It would be nice to publish a book some day, but I also am well aware of how difficult that is. Also, I know that none of my current ideas (or at least definitely not ATQH) are good enough to merit publishing. So, it will be a very long time before that thought ever crosses my mind even semi-seriously. I also can't write on deadlines to save my life, so that would be a problem.

Wow, sorry, that got really long! There's everything you've ever wanted to know (or didn't) about Morri's writing career, ajdksajd.

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Zeke Tyler

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)

(I have a lot of thoughts about this greasy little man and the way he acts with girls)

- Zeke Tyler had been driving you nuts for as long as you could remember. Well, maybe that was an exaggeration. He’d been driving you nuts for as long as you’d known him; that was more accurate.

- Freshman year, that was when it had all started. You were a year younger than him and had been the target of his harassment since the day you met him. You couldn't go a day without him blatantly making fun of you, trying to embarrass you or making suggestive comments towards you just; what you could only assume was, to make a fool out of you.

- You tried your best to either avoid or ignore him, mainly staying quiet since you were on the shy side; something that probably contributed to his eagerness to mess with you. Anytime you tried to respond, he found it amusing. Any curses or insults you’d give him back, or your telling of him to leave you alone, we’re all delivered in vain.

“Come on y/n/n, when are you gonna let me take you out?” He’d tease with a smirk and you’d just know that he was only messing with you.

- The thing is, you couldn’t have been more wrong. All his propositions and invitations were genuine, Zeke just didn’t know how to deal with his feelings for you.

- It was easier for him to be a jerk and sarcastic with you, that way he could have an excuse to be around you whenever he wanted and pretend like he wasn’t hurt when you’d inevitably reject.

- Because of course you’d reject him. He was a burnout before he even had the chance, a drug dealing senior who’d been held back a year. Hell, his parents didn’t even like him. Why would you?

- Funny thing is, as much as he tried to be a dick to you, even you could notice the occasional cracks in his façade, though you’d tend to try to write them off.

- An increasingly obvious crack was the fact that no one else was allowed to treat you the way he did. The minute someone else tried, he’d jump to your defense and turn on them, giving them shit or just telling them to leave you alone. He was possessive over his victims, yay!

- Okay, to be fair and honest and all that: You didn’t hate Zeke. You didn’t necessarily like him or the way he treated you, but you didn’t hate him. There was even a part of you that felt a strange attraction towards him; as much as you didn’t like admitting it.

- Which is something you ended up making known to him one day after school when you happened to be the only people left in the building. You were at your locker, he’d approached you and after he teased and once again “asked you out”, you finally spoke up.

“Why do you always do that?”

“Do what?” He’d grinned in response, waiting eagerly for your reply.

“Act like a jerk and then try to take me out. Why would I go out with you after you mess with me all day?”

“So you’re saying that you’d go out with me if I was nicer to you?” He’d asked lowly, taking a step closer as the two of you locked eyes.

- You stuttered out an objection before saying a flustered goodbye and making your exit. He should probably thank you for that advice one of these days.

- Taking your advice, Zeke “acts nice”; in his own special way. Instead of being a total jackass, he acts teasingly kind to you: always greeting you and asking how you’re doing, exaggeratedly opening doors for you, all but pleading to help you with things. He’s obviously still sarcastic but it’s …less obnoxious. It’s after a week or so of that, that things finally come to a head. 

- You were sitting outside in the hot sun, trying to do your chemistry homework while having no idea what the fuck it was talking about. Finally, you'd just about given up, putting your face in your hands while trying to get a grip before you completely lost it. That was when a quiet voice rang out from in front of you. 

- Obviously, it was Zeke and before you knew it, he’d taken your pencil and done the problem for you, telling you how to do it in a few easy steps. 

- A bit shocked but more than grateful, you thanked him quietly. He gave you a small smile and began to straighten up again, but just before he did, he met your eyes once more and asked if you wanted to hear something funny.

“I could have graduated last year, you know? …I mean if I wanted to, I could have, …but I didn’t. And I mean, I guess it was for a bunch of reasons but one of them ...one of them was you,” He’d started, looking away from you and to his hands which were resting against the table. “And I’m sure that sounds really stupid, but it’s a fact. …I guess what I’m trying to say is that I like you ..a lot, and I want to know, in all seriousness, if you would go out with me.”

You froze for a moment but just as he was about to leave; figuring you were going to turn him down like always, you’d responded with a “I’m free on Friday.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Then I’ll pick you up at eight.”

- The two of you go and watch movies at his house for your first date. His parents are rarely ever home and that day was no exception so the two of you had the whole house to yourselves. 

- It was just after the first movie ended that the two of you shared your first kiss. He was settling back on the couch after popping in the second film when the two of you locked eyes. He slowly leaned in, his hand moving to gently brush against your cheek before his lips met yours, soft at first before becoming more passionate. 

- The movie was quickly forgotten about as he lowered you back against the couch. It was only until a loud scream erupted from the television that you were snapped out of your daze. You finally pulled away, gently holding his face in place and shyly mentioning that you should “probably leave it at that”, causing a grin to spread across his face. 

- It’s safe to say that after that, the two of you were officially addicted to each other. 

- Zeke really doesn’t whether people are watching or not, if he wants to hug or kiss you in public then they “can look away like normal fucking people”. 

- Handholding. Well, you’re sorta just holding his sleeve most of the time but that’s just how Zeke is. 

- Hugs from behind. He usually ends up nuzzling his face into your neck whenever he does. 

- Hairline kisses. He’ll pull you closer and give you one whenever you're leaving for class. 

- Soft kisses. As cocky as he acted, when you first started your relationship, he was always really nervous when going in for a kiss. 

- Cheek strokes. They’re the barest, featherlight touches you’ll ever feel but they’ll still make your heart race.

- Getting swept up in makeout sessions.

- Hickeys. He doesn���t really care about placement but if you protest, he’ll leave them in more hidden areas.

- Zeke takes it personally when you don’t want him being affectionate with you. He’s the boyfriend that asks what your problem is when you keep letting go of his hand or shrugging off his hugs/arm.

- Please cuddle him. He likes to occasionally pretend like he doesn’t like it or is annoyed by it but he sure as hell doesn’t let you go when you go to pull away.

- Him falling asleep on you. He’ll lay his head on your lap with his arms wrapped around your waist while you run your fingers through his hair or down his back.

- You get a few nicknames and pet names from him, usually things like sweetheart, Princess, and babe.

- He genuinely likes when you call him pet names. He’ll usually roll his eyes at you but then he’ll look away and try to hide his shy little smile afterward.

- Honestly, Zeke is really cute with you most of the times; especially when you’re alone together. Nose boops or rubs, forehead presses, sweet teasing comments. On the inside, he’s just a softie who really wants to be loved.

- One day, he just took off his ring and slipped it onto your finger while he was playing with your hands. He told you to keep it when you asked about it ...so consider that a promise ring because that’s what he secretly considers it.

- Massages. He’ll use any excuse to touch you honey; especially if it can lead to something more.

- Wearing his jersey. That is ...a kink, and that’s all I’m saying about that.

- Sitting on the bleachers and watching him practice after he joins the football team.

- Sharing food.

- He likes hearing you talk; it doesn’t even matter what about. You could be talking about completely meaningless bullshit and he’d be perfectly content with listening to it. He’s sort of just happy that you want to tell him things, and he just likes your voice.

- Book talk. He may or may not have found a secret love for literature purely because you were interested in it and in his English class.

- Zeke’s a smart guy, he just doesn’t try, so you tend to make sure he studies and actually does his assignments.

- Jokingly teasing him about his glasses.

- Hanging out in his lab with him.

- The two of you frequent school storage rooms and closets. You occasionally help him steal things but more often than not, the two of you just makeout in there.

- Going to junkyards and smashing stuff.

- Lighting off fireworks with each other.

- Bonfires.

- Watching somewhat amused as he plays pranks on and makes fun of people. You keep a bit of a leash on him and make sure he isn’t too much of an asshole.

- Sitting on his car in the parking lot together.

- Keeping him company as he smokes.

- Free drugs and free *all his other inventory*. That being said, he’ll occasionally refuse to give you something because he cares too much about you and doesn’t want to fuck up your life. He’ll usually say something like “you don’t want this” or laugh and tell you he “isn’t giving you any” when he does.

- I’m convinced that Zeke would actually be really good at calming people down from panic attack purely because of his history with drug users. If he can handle a doped up tweaker, he can handle you.

- Getting little surprises left in your locker, he may or may not pick your lock to put them there. But hey, if you ever need to get into someplace, he’s got it covered.

- He sort of thinks it’s funny to scare you, usually with his driving.

- Going on death rides in the middle of the night.

- Sneaking out to see him. Given the way Zeke is and; likely, his general reputation, your parents probably aren’t fans of him, and even if they were, they probably wouldn’t let you go out with him at midnight.

- Honestly, he sort of likes when you insult him; as long as it doesn’t hit too close to home. If you call him an asshole, he’ll probably just pull you into a kiss as he smiles.

- He makes sure that no one walks all over you; especially if you have a habit of apologizing for no good reason, he won’t let his girl be anyone’s doormat.

“You don’t have to explain yourself to no one. Just get in the fucking car.”

- I’m sorry but your boyfriend is a really jealous guy; mainly because he’s insecure and oftentimes feels like he isn’t good enough for you. He’ll ask what you were doing whenever he sees you with other guys and won’t forget about it unless it’s obvious that you aren’t interested in them and they aren’t interested in you.

- Zeke would wholeheartedly fucking ice an entire room full of people for you and that is the honest to god truth. The minute someone acts even the slightest bit antagonistic towards you, he’s on there ass like he’s your guard dog.

- Surprisingly enough, you and Zeke rarely ever have serious fights. More often than not, you just bicker with each other before settling things fairly quickly.

- When things are more serious, he’ll argue and curse but he hardly ever yells, unless he’s raising his voice for emphasis. The only problem that really arises when you’re fighting is the fact that he thinks it’s amusing or hot when you’re angry so he just can’t take you seriously a lot of the time.

- Zeke’s a bit of a jackass so he’ll corner you/pull you into secluded places and not let you leave until he speaks his peace when the two of you have had a fight. That being said, he does offer you a genuine apology after doing so, and usually pulls you in for a kiss once you’ve forgiven him.

- He tells you he loves you quite a bit, albeit really casually, like when you’re saying goodbye and he just says “love you” without thinking. He does get a bit embarrassed when it’s in front of other people though.

- He likes to imagine that the two of you will stay together no matter what happens but when he thinks about the future and all that comes with it, he gets a bit nervous. He thinks he’d make a shitty father; because of his own parents, even though he’s sort of really cute and good with kids.

[bex-la-get]

hello! can I request a fic where Nat noticed that Ethan is tired because of his new job as Chief, and she decided to do something to make his day brighter (or maybe she took care of him when they got home). I love your writings! ❤️

Nonny, I'm crying! This is so cute! Consider it done! (Also, I love you and I hope you're having a wonderful day! 😘)

Rating: T

Ethan looked tired.

Sure, he'd had exhausting days at work before but this was a new kind of tired. Almost exhausted. His shoulders held more tension, his temper was shorter than normal, and on several occasions, he'd come home and told Nat he'd make dinner, only to fall asleep on the sofa a few minutes later.

Natalie knew Ethan's job as Chief was going to be a lot for him but she didn't anticipate how hard the adjustment would hit him. And poor Ethan, so used to carrying everything on his own, anytime she asked how he was doing or if she could help, he always shook his head and told her he was fine; even when he clearly wasn't.

So, enough was enough. Both Ethan and Nat had this coming weekend off and she was going to make the best of it. Enlisting Sienna and Dani's help, she planned out the most relaxing weekend possible, doing all of the grocery shopping and chores she could possibly do before Friday night. Though she was now Head of the DT, her hours were significantly less demanding than Ethan's which allowed her to do all of these preparations right under his nose.

Come Friday, the apartment was ready for a completely relaxing and errand/chore-free weekend. Sienna had helped bake some goodies and Dani, bless her, had helped clean the apartment and cook several large meals that would last the couple several days at the least. Nat owed those two the biggest margaritas they'd ever had when this weekend was over.

At the end of her shift, Natalie made her way up to the Chief's office, determined to make him come home early. She found Ethan hunched over some paperwork at his desk, his shoulders so tense they were practically at his ears. "Baby," she said, walking into the room, "it's Friday night. Let's go home."

Ethan looked up and her heart tightened to see how red his eyes were. God, this poor man was going to work himself into burnout if he wasn't careful. Thank god she'd planned this weekend out for him to relax. "Hi, love," Ethan said, leaning back and stretching his neck out. "What time is it?"

"Time to go home," Nat answered.

Ethan looked at the clock on his computer and sighed. "It's only five, Nat; I still have at least another hour's worth of paperwork to do."

Natalie shook her head. "Not tonight. Paperwork can wait 'til Monday. Tonight, we're going home and we're gonna relax. You especially." Ethan opened his mouth to argue but Nat cut him off with a firm kiss to his lips. When she pulled away, she was leaning over him, her hands resting on the armrests of his chair as she looked him in his eyes. "Do you have any idea how long its been since you last kissed me?"

He thought for a moment but shook his head, unable to answer. "Eight hours," she told him.

"What? That can't be right." He shook his head in disbelief.

"It is," she confirmed. "You have not kissed me since you dropped me off at the DT office this morning at 9am. So, you have a lot of kisses to make up to me. And you're going to do it at home." She kissed him again for emphasis.

He chuckled dryly. "I should know better than to try an win an argument against you," he mused. "But you're right; it's an absolute tragedy that I haven't kissed you enough today so I agree. Let's get out of here and I'll make up for all the kisses I missed."

Natalie smiled and stood up straight, extending her hand out to him. "Shall we go home, Dr. Ramsey?"

He took her hand in his and squeezed. "We shall, Dr. Cusack."

-------------------------

When they arrived home, the apartment looked and smelled amazing. A plate of Sienna's freshly baked cookies sat on the kitchen counter next to several serving dishes of food, courtesy of Dani. Nat made a mental note to herself that she owed those two several margaritas as a thank you.

Ethan looked around the apartment in awe, trying to figure out if they had walked into the wrong place. "What happened? This place hasn't been this clean in months."

Natalie laughed. "I may or may not have been planning this weekend for a while now. I enlisted Dani and Sienna's help and the three of us completely cleaned this place from top to bottom. Groceries are also taken care of, as is dinner and dessert, courtesy of the two best friends in the entire world," she gestured to the plates of food on the kitchen counter. "All you have to do is relax."

"Nat, I--" Ethan looked at her, speechless. "I don't know what to say. This was so thoughtful. Thank you."

She leaned up and kissed him softly, smiling when she pulled away. "Anything for you, my love. Now, go get comfy. I'll heat up dinner."

Ethan moved into the bedroom to change clothes while Nat turned on the oven and popped the serving dishes inside it. As she waited for the food to heat up, she grabbed a couple wine glasses and poured a bottle of Merlot into them. She was recorking the bottle when she felt two hands settle onto her waist and a pair of lips kiss her neck. "You didn't have to do all this, you know," Ethan murmured.

"Of course, I did," Nat said, turning around and securing her arms behind his neck. "You've been working so hard, you deserve a break. And we both have the weekend off so it seemed like the perfect opportunity to take a break." She ran her fingers through his hair at the nape of his neck. "You don't need to bear the weight of the world on your shoulders, my love. You're allowed to take it easy."

He sighed. "I know; I just... I don't want people thinking I'm not capable of doing the job. My predecessors are Harper and Naveen; both of whom are proper administrators. I've never been one for admin, you know that."

"Which is why you're so good for the job," Nat reasoned. "You don't look at things from an administrator's perspective; you look at them from a doctor's. A diagnostician's, if we're being picky. You know what it's like to be in the field with other doctors, putting patient care above everything else. Some administrators never get that kind of experience. You care about your patients and fellow doctors, which makes you the best kind of administrator. Don't worry about trying to be like Harper or Naveen; you just focus on being you. We will all be better for it."

He smiled and nodded. "I suppose I hadn't thought of it that way; thank you."

"You're welcome." She rested a hand over his chest, his pulse thumping beneath her fingers. "Just promise to take it easy, okay? If you keep going at your current rate, you're going to burn out."

"You're right; I've just been so focused on trying to do this right. But I can't do my job if I work myself into a tizzy. I'll take it easier from here on out, I promise." He leaned down and kissed her softly. "Thank you. For putting all of this together, for taking care of me, and for just being you. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Nor I, you, my love," she said, resting her forehead against his. "I'll always be here to take care of you."

They held each other for a long moment, neither saying anything, just enjoying one another's company. When they finally broke apart, Nat pulled the warmed up food out of the oven and the two served themselves before plopping down onto the couch and turned on one of Ethan's favorite films, an old black-and-white one.

The conversation flowed easily between the two as did the wine. By the time the movie had ended, the couple had eaten more than their fill of dinner and dessert and were now cuddling on the sofa, Ethan wrapped tightly in Nat's arms, his head tucked under her chin as her fingers ran up and down his back. "Want to watch another one?"

"Hmm," he hummed. "You choose this time."

"You sure?" she asked. "'Cause I will 100% put on Pride & Prejudice if you give me control over the remote."

He chuckled and it was then that she realized his eyes were closed. "Whatever you want, love. I'm good. Just no drooling over Matthew Macfayden."

She smiled. "I make no promises, my love." Ethan simply hummed in response.

Turning on the film, Nat continued to run her fingers along Ethan's back, feeling his body relax under her ministrations. The movie had barely started when she heard his breathing even out and he fell asleep, tucked in her embrace. Natalie smiled and kissed the top of his head. "Rest easy, my love."

A/N: Hope you liked it, Nonny! 💙

[satuguro]

tenshi | pt. 2

IN WHICH: tsukishima can’t let go and your sadness turns into anger.

PAIRING: tsukishima kei x ukai!reader, kageyama tobio x ukai!reader

INSPIRED BY: freckles — kevin atwater, hikare are (moonlight) — burnout syndromes

WARNING: angst, cursing

A/N: sorry for taking so long to update! i’ve been having really bad writer’s block :,)

prologue, pt. 1, pt. 2

tsukishima wasn’t sure when it happened.

he always had a gut feeling that he had always felt that way when he looked at you. the feeling of caring so much for one person terrified him. he had never felt like that before— it was new and unexpected.

tsukishima didn’t like new and unexpected. he wasn’t like you, who practically craved the outside world that it was almost annoying.

he had spent countless nights trying to figure out when he realized he loved you.

was it when you gave him a box of dinosaur bandaids that you had stolen from your dad’s store? you given it to him with a smile and a short, “it reminded me of you.”

was it when you let him pick the movie for movie night, but instead of him picking jurassic park, you picked it? “you always pick jurassic park, and you always pick the first one because it’s your favorite,” you had stated with a nonchalant shrug.

or was it when you told him you were leaving? when you muttered out your mom’s plans and tsukishima’s blood ran cold because no, this wasn’t some sick joke. you were leaving and never coming back.

you had told him you were leaving, and all he did was walk away.

“i’ll walk home with the guys tonight!” you sent your dad a bright grin, one he only huffed at as he reluctantly handed the keys to kageyama.

“be safe,” he said sternly. his words would’ve almost come off as cold if you didn’t know your dad well. he was worried, that was all. as he made his way to the door, he paused, not looking over his shoulder as he said, “if you all don’t leave soon y/n won’t treat you to meat buns.” immediately, ukai shut the door behind him.

instantaneously, hinata bound over to you, his arms going up as he jumped around you over and over. you could never get used to the sudden height he gained “y/n teach me more about what you know you never got to—!”

hinata’s loud screaming was interrupted by a volleyball that hit his head.

kageyama, who was practically fuming as he stood behind the middle blocker, barked, “do you want meat buns or not? help us clean, dumbass!”

as the freak duo continued to bicker as they cleaned up, you nudged yachi softly as you watched on in amusement. “it’s good that they haven’t changed,” you commented, and she smiled widely.

“oh yeah, they’re still exactly as before. they just learned more, i guess,” yachi laughed. in front of you, yamaguchi tried to calm the two down, his freckled cheeks flushed red in embarrassment. tsukishima only loomed over them with an unimpressed look on his face. “same thing goes for yama. tsukishima, though...”

“i expected it,” you cut her off, words coming out more forced than you would’ve liked. without missing a beat, you smiled. you didn’t want to tell her that tsukishima was the last thing you wanted to hear about. “we should help out. knowing by dad, he’ll probably purposely close the store if we’re late.”

“they have the best meat buns, trust me!”

akiteru’s cheerful voice made kei let out a disgruntled grunt.

ever since he found out that his brother and his position as an oh-so-great ace, akiteru had ben doing everything to make it up for him. tsukishima’s frown deepened as he reluctantly walked into the store, his eyes set on his sneakers as he slowly followed his brother.

he lied. no amount of meat buns was going to change that fact.

“ukai! two of your best meat buns, please!” akiteru’s grin faltered for a moment as he turned back to kei, but that didn’t change his spirits as he turned to the cashier.

you sat behind the cash register, your fingers reaching up to your mouth and pulling out the red lollipop you were sucking on. it was obvious that you were kei’s age, yet you acted like you owned the shop (and maybe you did).

“my dad says i’m not allowed to get meat from the dish because it’s too hot and i’ll die,” you said pointedly, leaning forward in your plastic chair. you looked at kei with a curious tilt of your head, and kei only stared back.

your hair was pulled back with a thin headband, and he recognized the logo on your beige sweatshirt; a volleyball sweatshirt.

“i didn’t know you had a lil’ brother,” you said with a tilted grin, eyes switching between kei and akiteru. in response, akiteru ruffled kei’s hair, making the boy scowl and try to slap his hand away. you giggled in amusement. “he’s grumpy.”

kei gave you a nasty look. “am not.”

your beaming smile didn’t falter at the glare he gave you. you were perfectly unfazed by it, and to kei’s surprise, you only laughed more. “you’re funny.”

kei’s face bloomed a slight shade of red.

“s’bout time. i was about to close,” your dad sighed as he handed you the packs of meat buns.

you knew that was a lie. he always liked night shifts at the shop.

“even if you did close the shop, i’d feed them,” you hummed, looking behind you. your friends were outside, all standing in front of the glass door of the shop. yachi was laughing with hinata while kageyama sipped his milk peacefully. farther away from them was yamaguchi and tsukishima; the green haired boy was trying to speak to the other, but the blonde was too busy on his phone.

“whatever,” keishin managed a small smile as you turned back to him. “don’t stay out too late.”

“i won’t. thanks, dad.” you gave him a short side hug before you made tour way back outside, blind to the growing smile on your father’s face.

“oh my god, i love you!” hinata took the pack from you and began eating it almost immediately. you scrunched your nose as you saw part of the wrapper disappear in his mouth.

“hinata you ate like half of the paper—!” yachi yelled in panic, her hand smacking hinata’s back as she tried to get him to spit it out.

you turned to kageyama, handing him his meat bun with a close lipped smile. he squished his milk carton with one hand, his free one taking the meat bun from you. “... thank you,” he managed a smile, and you laughed.

it wasn’t as scary as his smile before you left. then again, you never really minded his smile.

you walked over to yamaguchi and tsukishima, both of whom were talking intently between themselves.

“you can’t keep this up— y/n!” yamaguchi’s freckled fave bloomed red as he forced a smile, his expression immediately changing. wordlessly, you handed the meat bun pack to him.

“what’re you guys talking about?” you found yourself asking, eyes daring to meet tsukishima’s for a second before meeting yamaguchi’s once again.

“none of your business, ukai,” tsukishima answered before yamaguchi could. you stiffened at the use of your last name; he never used it before.

“tsukki!” yamaguchi scolded, but you only smiled.

god, tsukishima hated it when you smiled. he hated how his glare, which was supposed to be nasty and full of hatred, would falter at the sight of it.

“it’s whatever,” you shrugged, playing off your feelings, “enjoy, you guys.”

┈┈ 𑁍༅ཾ༚ ┈┈

of course he was the last to leave.

you wanted to curse whatever god was in the skies that made him the last one to leave. the awkwardness hung in the air, and you could’ve easily just chosen to go inside the shop and he could’ve just gone home, but you were both frozen in your spots.

you two were sitting on the curb, making sure that there was a distance between you both. the only light was the flickering street lights and the dim lights of your shop behind you both.

you both could’ve just left. so why didn’t you?

“we haven’t—“

“shut up.”

your mouth shut and your gaze returned to your feet.

why wasn’t he leaving? why weren’t you leaving?

how could he still be so mean? this is kei, but still.

your confusion slowly turned to anger as your fists clenched harder and harder, before you snapped your head towards kei and finally let it out.

“what the hell is your problem?”

to your surprise (and anger), he only shook his head, letting out an incredulous laugh.

“really, ukai? you have no idea?” kei didn’t even look at you as he chuckled, his glasses nearly slipping off his face. “you’re as dumb as you look.”

“i’m not a fucking mind reader, kei,” you seethed in response, your eyes never once leaving his form. all the sadness that he once been caused by him turned into pure rage; his blunt words didn’t help. “so tell me. what is your problem?”

“fuck off,” kei snapped, standing up from his seat and shoving his hands in his pockets. he began to walk away without another word.

“no, tell me.” you stood up after him, your tenacity getting the beat of you as you followed him. “kei—“

“i told you to stop calling me that!” kei turned to you, meeting your eyes for what fet like the first time in forever. he was angry, that much you knew. his brows were knitted together as he looked at you, and his eyes held nothing good behind them. yet, despite all of this, you stepped closer. “leave me alone, ukai.”

“i just—“

“what, you want it to be like old times? you want me to accept you with open arms and a big fucking smile?” kei took a stop closer to you. he saw the way your lip was quivering and how you hid it by pulling it between your teeth. his haze was stone cold, and no matter how much he wanted to say, “i’m sorry for being such an ass,” he did nothing. kei was driven by the hurt you caused him before you left and the pain he went through by keeping his own words to himself. you left.

“leave me alone, ukai. i mean it.”

the first time you argued with tsukishima kei was when you were in middle school.

you had accidentally stepped on his favorite dinosaur figurine when you were dropping off his notebook at his house. in an immature fit of rage, kei told you to get out while he desperately tried to fix it.

his brother gave him that figurine before he left for college. of course it meant a lot to him.

you had come back to next day with a dinosaur plushie that you had bought with all your chore money. you had messily embroidered a small moon on the stuffed t-rex’s chest, and you had shoved it to his chest when he opened the door.

you didn’t like accepting defeat, but this was an exception. “i’m sorry, please accept this as a token of my affection.”

kei remembered that he had responded with a judgmental raise of his brow, but you had cut him off before he could make fun of you.

“i spent all night making that damn moon. accept it or die, kei.”

he walked away again.

you only stood in place, your eyes watching his form leave as you clenched and unclenched your hands. you wanted to scream. you wanted to find a punching bag and punch the living daylights out of it, but all you did was watch him go.

“y/n?”

you tensed up at the voice, and you turned around towards the voice. tobio kageyama stood right behind you, his hand reaching down for the pack of pencils he seemingly forgot before he left. knowing him, that was probably all the pencils he had.

“you’re crying,” the setter said dumbly, standing up at full height as he looked at you with a concerned frown. what else was he supposed to say?

you managed a laugh as you aggressively wiped your tears away. god, you hated crying. “no shit, genius.”

kageyama stepped closer to you as you continued to wipe your eyes. you laughed tearfully once again.

“i don’t even know why i’m crying,” you felt more tears flow down your cheeks as you hurried to wipe them away again. once again, you laughed. “it just keeps coming.”

quietly, kageyama pulled you closer to him, his arms holding you close as you continued to softly cry. your words of, “the tears won’t stop. why isn’t it stopping?” were muffled as you cried into his sweatshirt.

┈┈ 𑁍༅ཾ༚ ┈┈

A/N: again, sorry for the late update! writer’s block sucks ass :(

TAGLIST: @grapesauze , @neijiwave , @whothefuckstolemykeds , @sugakuns , @lexysclubhouse , @bakibakini , @animeanxiety , @kodzu-ken , @ukhyeonn , @sana-li , @differentballooncollection , @thechaosoflonging , @scrappydaisies , @nnessworls , @emogril , @killuaking , @vinnieluv , @kageyamas-whore , @helloshoutohere

prologue, pt. 1, pt. 2

[whattheheehaw]

Hi! I’m sorry you’re getting shitty anons about this and you’re probably sick of it so I apologise for asking this but I’m genuinely curious what made you start actively disliking zutara? Like, considering how much excellent and insightful content/meta you yourself used to make/write? I get that interests change over time and you’re totally valid!! the anons sending you hate over it are really dumb, but if you’d be ok with sharing, I’d be really interested in hearing why you’ve done almost a complete 180 on the ship? Was is just burnout/end of a hyper-obsession? Or was it some of us in the rest of the fandom that turned you off? Or was it even something about the ship/characters themselves that you changed your mind about? xx

In short, it was a combination of burnout, dissatisfaction with fandom, and disappointment in myself that caused my disinterest for Zvtara.

I got asks similar to this one a couple of times before, but I never gave a comprehensive answer, mainly because I didn't know how to articulate my reasons why I don't like it anymore. But now that I've been out of ZK fandom for a month and have had some time to reflect, I think I can give a much more thorough response. Beware, this is long and I heavily critique the Zvtara fandom, so if you're a ZK shipper, keep reading at your own risk.

My first minor annoyance with Zvtara is that the fandom has a tendency to idolize certain fics and creators. And while there’s certainly nothing inherently wrong about that, I feel like the Zvtara fandom does it to such an extent that it influences the type of content that content creators make in order to get recognition. And to illustrate my point, I’m going to talk about one of the most famous Zvtara fics of all time: Once Around The Sun by eleventy7.

Don’t get me wrong, I love OATS. I think it’s a great fanfic and I think the author devoted a lot of time and effort to make it such an excellent fic. The plot, the development of the characters and their relationships to one other, and the messages about family and love were all brilliantly written. I mean, there is a reason why it’s regarded as the “Zvtara Bible”. This one fanfic had such a profound impact upon the ZK fandom, and I think the biggest impact that came from it is the dramatic influx of post-war Zvtara AU fanfiction. 

Because so many people kept reading OATS and recommending it to others, I think there was an overall interest in ZK fics that take place in a post-war setting. And I think that all of the high praise towards OATS made more fic writers start to write post-war fanfics because of this demand for post-war AU.* I normally wouldn't complain about it because more content is more content, but in my opinion, 99% of ZK post-war fics are the same fic but in different fonts.

Like, there's at least 3 of these elements in every ZK post-war fanfic:

Ambassador Katara

An assassination attempt (usually on Zuko's life)

A healing scene between Zuko and Katara (usually Katara heals Zuko)

Aang and/or Mai is pushed to the side or vilified to some extent in order to make ZK happen

A private journey between Zuko and Katara to facilitate #6

S L O W B U R N (that's not really slowburn and more like "I love you and I very much want to be vocal about my feelings but #7 is in this fic" but the love story takes up like 30 chapters so I guess it's a slowburn?)

Zuko's advisers don't want him to get married to Katara because ✨racism✨

Ursa is found

Azula is in the fic because a) she's going to get a healing arc ft. Zuko and Katara and thereby helps them get together or b) she's the villain and thereby helps them get together

ZK wedding happens in the FN

After reading multiple post-war fics back to back, I could tell that the format was pretty much the same across the board, which isn't very interesting for me to read. My only other fic options in the Zvtara tag on AO3 are canon divergence fics which almost always take place during The Crossroads of Destiny or after The Southern Raiders. And to some extent, those stories are pretty much the same too. There's nothing really new or creative going on in the ZK fandom fic-wise, and because of that, my interest in ZK fandom started to dwindle.

My second issue with Zvtara is that it's a very old ship from a very old show. Because there's been 10+ years since the end of A:TLA, every nuanced point about shipping and the show itself have been talked to death.** There's just nothing new to say. It's the same arguments being rehashed over and over again in the tag because there's no other interpretation one can come up with.

For example, there's so many people who talk about why Zvtara as depicted in The Southern Raiders is not toxic and that's great and all, but I (and most likely many others) have read those same points about five times already. And for some reason, each time this happens, people act like someone just discovered the lost city of Atlantis when they bring up their new-but-not-new argument in defense of Zvtara. Honestly, I'm ashamed to say that I'm not exempt from being part of the group of people that reiterate old arguments. I've done it with one of my posts about The Southern Raiders and I've done it again with my Zutara/Omashu parallels post.

There's no new content to really dissect and analyze (especially considering Zuko and Katara are rarely in the same panel in any of the post-war comics), and because of this, people are just restating points that someone else made several years ago.*** And even if someone did have a different interpretation of an episode, their ideas would most likely be shut down because for the past several years, the same interpretation has been recycled through the fandom repeatedly and people are resistant to new perspectives.

This brings me to the third thing that I dislike about Zvtara: the insistence that there can only be one way to interpret The Southern Raiders. For the longest time, I've read take after take that said if Katara decided to kill Yon Rha, it would be ok because that's her grief to deal with and if she thinks that's the best way to mete out justice, then good for her. And again, I'm ashamed to say that I perpetuated that idea in a few of my own posts. I have always thought that "Katara killing Yon Rha is ok" is just a bad take in general, but I didn't want to vocalize that opinion when so many people—so many of the nice mutuals that I made—all shared that same opinion. Taking down a popular opinion of your own ship is completely different from taking down a popular opinion of a ship that you dislike. The Zvtara fandom is the first fandom that I was actually active in and I wanted to fit in so badly with everyone else that I just parroted whatever other people said, even if I didn't agree with those sentiments.

This leads me to my final reason why I don't want to be a part of ZK fandom anymore. I think I established myself as a "meta" person pretty early on and because of that, I constantly felt pressured to come up with new takes on the ship. And when people started flooding my ask box with stuff like "Can you write a meta about your thoughts on the idea that 'Zuko only took Katara on that field trip in TSR because he wanted her to forgive him'?" and "What are your thoughts about antis saying Zuko and Katara are toxic because of TSR?", I realized that I don't need to come up with new takes. People just want me to paraphrase something that 10 other people said about the same exact topic, because if I said what I actually thought about the subject (i.e. there is some truth in what antis say about TSR and it's not as much of a "Zvtara episode" that most people make it out to be), I'd probably get ZK shippers in the replies telling me that I'm wrong because x, y, and z or "you shouldn't tag this as Zvtara".

And that was pretty much how my love for ZK turned into disinterest. I was and still am disappointed that I didn't stick to my personal opinions. For as much as I talk about herd mentality on Twitter, I certainly don't practice what I preach. In all honesty, the only reason why I held on so long to ZK fandom was because I had so many nice mutuals there and we all shared this collective distaste for antis. I think I started to become more anti-Zvkka and anti-Kataang than pro-Zvtara, which isn't what I wanted to do when I made this Tumblr blog.

The thing that made me joke about becoming anti-Zvtara was the fact that some ZK shippers just like to send shitty anons to people whom they've reblogged countless different metas from. Sending shitty anons to people in the first place is wrong, but sending them to people who tagged their posts correctly and did nothing wrong is just disgusting.

*I'm not a fic writer and can't speak for fic writers, but it definitely feels like a lot of ZK fic authors are pushing themselves to write the next OATS, and by doing so, they are proliferating the tag with post-war fics that have very similar aspects to OATS.

**I think that as more people point out the same nuanced points about Zvtara, it diminishes the actual significance of those points. Like, it's hard to explain but the more people talk about the subtleties of the ship, the more those parts become glaringly obvious and I become numb to their actual impact on the characters and the show.

***At this point, if someone wanted to make a new argument about Zvtara, I think they would have to look very closely at every little detail in every single one of their scenes together to find a crumb of new meta material. And speaking from experience, it's not very fun trying to make a mountain out of a molehill. Whenever I post a "meta" like that, I feel like I'm reaching to make a point that doesn't exist.

[gaymershigh]

Hi, can u write headcanons of Jamil, Azul, Cater, Rook and Idia discovering that their S/O (male) is their favorite singer/idol in a disguise? Sorry if it sounds too boring

Thanks and I love your blog <3333

It's not boring at all! I love this request so much 💗 the reader has to not be a different world like Yuu so it makes sense in context as to why they're popular in twisted wonderland, just to clear things up!

Also yes, I'm doing other requests before redoing that damned unfinished draft-

Jamil, Azul, Cater, Rook and Idia discovering their boyfriend is a popular idol

You want to tell him so bad but you just don't the guts to.

It's not like you don't trust Jamil or anything. It's just that Kalim's 99% always nearby him and try don't him to overhear your confession and cause a huge hassle.

But sometimes secrets are broken by itself. You can be your own secret breaker.

While you were listening to songs from the Land of Hot Sands that was recommended by Jamil, he was picking random songs from your country.

His eyes slightly widen when one of the songs he picked's singer sounds just like you but with a different name.

“He sounds just like you.” he stated and that made you panicked. That is one of your newer songs from a few weeks ago.

He got curious when your words started getting shaky and your face getting sweaty. This led him to researching your stage name, making you even more scared.

“He even looks like you too, could it be?.. ” if you kept lying, it will go into a dead end. The only thing to do it to spill the beans even if you don't want to.

Your hesitant nod was followed by silence and then a normal 'ok' from your lover like nothing was out of the ordinary. You were shocked.

In the inside however, he was different. He was baffled, these things only happen in fairytails!

He's not complaining though, he loves the feeling of being special.

Even if don't mind, he wouldn't be the type to be brag about your relationship together. Maybe with Kalim but other than that, nah.

“I see. Don't worry, ya amar, I'll keep this a secret. just the two of us only.”

How can you keep this secret away from him for that long? Colour me and him impressed.

Jamil is reasonable as to why he doesn't know about your secret identity because he doesn't keep up with the trends but Azul? He definitely spends more time on the internet than Jamil would ever.

But of course he would find out eventually. Of course, it's Azul.

You were giving him some song recommendations and avoiding your own so it wouldn't raise suspicion.

Unfortunately, you weren't fast enough as he realized you kept skipping a few songs right before the song hits the 3 second mark.

When he asked you why you kept skipping a few songs. You sweated and lied about the singer is not so good. You basically degraded yourself.

If course, it's not easy to fool your boyfriend. He snatched your phone away and looked at the current song you're about to skip.

He covered his mouth in shock. There was no doubt about it, that really is you. The voice, the looks, the stage name sounds like something you would name yourself, everything!

“Darling, why didn't you tell me? Do you not trust me?” You had to reassure him that was not the case and you just prefer not to get the attention and not make anyone annoy him about asking him questions about you.

You're just so special, aren't you? You're an idol beloved by everyone but you don't want the publicity and cause any problems, you're so sweet and precious.

He'll only brag occasionally. It's unprofessional for him to be cocky every single time of the day and he'll probably show off only to intentionally piss off someone.

“Darling, you shouldn't insult yourself! You're very good in singing and you amazingly breathtaking! So handsome.”

Seriously, how did you get away from him, Cater Diamond himself??

He's a social media God and even if he does suspects you several times, he's supposed to catch on sooner.

You have to admit, it was harder to hide away from him since he follows your account. Everytime he takes a selfie with the both of you, a lot of people comment asking him is that (stage name).

He would usually reply 'I wish lol but imagine if that happens 😳'. This makes you nervously laugh.

He always comments about how you always look like (S/N) all the time and you always nervously scratched your neck, feeling guilty.

He also joked about your voice being incredibly similar and how you could be the idol in disguise. My god you couldn't describe how much you want to run out of there as soon and possible.

You thought everything is going smoothly until the most dreadful statement came out of your boyfriend.

“(Y/N), do you want to go to (S/N)'S concert on Friday this week?” You had enough. You can't handle the torturous moments and can't keep up with the lies anymore. You have to tell him with a little twist to it. You said you were busy which means you have to keep denying your cute pouty sweetheart.

When you finally finished your concert, you called your boyfriend from the stage to go to the backstage. You can see the excitement in his eyes.

When you confessed that his statements about his number 1 favorite idol is also his boyfriend he's been dating for months, he went form speechless to hugging you tightly while screaming.

“Holy shit, I can't believe it, (Y/N)! I'm gonna tell everyone!” You sighed in relief as he reached out for his phone.

He's definitely gonna brag no matter what universe he's in. The publicity and increase amount of his followers in magicam is gonna be unbelievable. Just like Azul, he's gonna shove your relationship to everyone's face just to annoy them.

“(Y/N)-chan is so mean hiding such amazing secrets away from me, you're gonna pay the price~”

He's gonna be so surprised as to how you hide from him for more than 3 days. He's got good eyesight and very good at reading your heart.

You're sometimes we're scared that he caught on as he kept praising you like your fanbase would usually do. You never felt so relieved when you found out he's just like that.

He sometimes does comments how you look like your other side and how your voice sounds uncomfortably similar but that's just it.

It's a little bit easier to get away from him when it's about social media since he's not really the type to look to check social media daily.

He kept persistently asking you if that singer he adores so much was you, which you kept replying with of course, no.

But every single time you answered the same reply, your tone and confidence seems to be different, lowering down specifically. He probably already knew you are (S/N) now but he really wants you just give him a 'yes' instead of just believing in his own word.

While you were cuddling with him on his bed and about to fall asleep, you were playing a few songs as white noise to make you go to dreamland faster.

You didn't even realise your song was playing, your eyes were bleary and you could black out any moment.

Rook took the opportunity to asked you again if you were (S/N), he was both surprised and please when he finally got the answer he waited for.

With no hesitance, you said yes before drifting to sleep. He won this time, checkmate.

When you woke up, he told you about what happened last night with the usual smile while you're mouth was agape.

He might unintentionally brag by telling the whole campus how handsome you are, your angelic voice, how lovable and huggable your figure is, Vil is jealous.

“Mon trésor, there is no need to repent about your beauty, you are lovely in any shape of form, my sweet delicate dove~”

He adores your idol version of yourself and is probably the only real idol that he admires, the rest is probably his anime waifus or whatever.

Doesn't mean he doesn't love your backstage form too, he loves you too very much and thinks you're very handsome :)

It's just that your face reminds him of his favorite singer of all time. He's always making conspiracy theories about how you're (S/N)'s clone and you'll just laugh, knowing everything.

He once said that maybe you're an idol in secret, this made you sweat nervously as you shook it off.

Everytime he talks about your idol self to you, Ortho always asks if you're ok or not because you always felt a bit anxious and shaky as if you were about to get killed.

This made Idia raise suspicion. He wanted an answer as to why so he made up a plan.

He makes Ortho note your condition everytime he talks about (S/N).

His suspicions were right, you're always uncomfortable everytime he asks you if you're the idol version of yourself.

If he thinks he has enough tapes and audios of you literally shaking, he started negotiate you.

You had no escape as Ortho has trapped you in his room alone with your boyfriend. He kept taunting you with the same question 'are you (S/N)?' until you finally give in and told the truth.

Even though he got his victory, he still felt bad since you don't wanna talk to him for 3 days, causing him to cry like a baby.

He seriously can't believe it though, he just experienced something out of his mangas! He's beaming with joy.

He's only bragging on the internet only, there is no way he's gonna say anything in real life as you're wayyyy out of his league.

“You could have just told me, you know! I won't tell anyone if you're uncomfortable, I promise!”

You have no idea how much I loved writing this one but I got a creativity burnout when writing Idia lol~

-𝕸𝖎𝖗𝖎